In this episode, we’re answering YOUR questions!! We find that the questions can be repetitive because couples are struggling with the same sexual and emotional issues… Let’s talk about a common theme we hear from our listeners: Willing vs wanting and sexual “crossroads.”
If you’re the person wanting and you approach your partner and all you get is willingness—you’re often going to feel rejected. If you’re the partner coming in with willingness, which may be all you’re capable of, and doing it in an act of trying to come closer—the message you might get from the wanting partner is that you’re doing it wrong. We can see a negative cycle just in those two words; And nobody’s doing anything wrong…they’re just set up to miss each other.
Couples find themselves at a sexual crossroads with two options: breakthrough or breakup. How can you avoid the latter and instead find an opportunity to connect on a deeper level both emotionally and in bed? People get separated and divorced… not because they don’t love their partner, but because the distance gets too great. The mistrust gets too great. They become stuck in the negative cycle. But you can BRIDGE that distance and have a breakthrough with higher levels of engagement, more love, and better sex!
We love hearing your feedback!! Send in all of your questions about love & sex: www.foreplayrst.com/contact!
TRANSCRIPT:
Laurie Watson 00:02
Gee, we got a lot to celebrate. We’ve had some good news from a listener, and we’re going to talk about other questions that listeners have for us and can’t wait to get to it. Welcome to Foreplay Radio– Couples and Sex Therapy. I’m Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller 00:20
And I’m George Faller, couples therapist.
Laurie Watson 00:22
And we are passionate about talking about sex and helping you develop a way to talk to each other.
George Faller 00:28
Our mission is to help our audience develop a healthier relationship to sex that integrates the mind, the heart in the body. All right, Bring it on, Laurie, this is a one of the best parts of doing a podcast just getting feedback from people that you’d otherwise never meet. Most of the time I’m work with couples or going to a training, I can see people I can interact, you kind of know what’s happening. But this this is really great. You’re going to hear people from all over the world sending your an email saying, hey, this worked, this didn’t work. And it’s just it’s such a great way to grow. So thank you all for giving us feedback. Please keep it coming.
Laurie Watson 01:05
So this listener, I just loved this. And thank you for sending it to us says: “Hey, hi, I’ve been listening to back episodes of your show ever since I found it. I probably listened to at least at so far. And I continue listening. I was at a real crossroads in my marriage. And I was seriously considering separating from my wife to try living on my own and dating once again. What’s funny is that I was at first listening to your show just to get more information on how to have better sex thinking I would use the tips and advice for the women I would start meeting through dating. But then the more I listened to your episodes, the more I gain information and wisdom that I realized applied to my marriage. One of the biggest takeaways was the point that you make so much Laurie, that in general, women come to sex more willing than wanting, whereas men come to it more wanting than willing.” So everybody who gets that I hope women are saying “sure I’ll have sex,” whereas men want, want to have sex when they ask, okay, I should probably mention this.
George Faller 02:05
Hold on one second. No, cuz again, just a highlight that probably should be the title of this episode–Willing versus wanting, if we just take those two words, right? If you’re the person wanting, and you come into that interaction, and all you get is the other partner’s willingness, you’re often going to feel rejected. If you’re the partner coming in with willingness, which is all you’re capable of. And it’s your beautiful act of trying to come closer. The message you’re probably going to get from the wanting partner is that you’re doing it wrong. We can see a negative sexual cycle just in those two words, and nobody’s doing anything wrong. They’re just set up to miss each other. So beautiful for this listener to just kind of put it in that simplicity.
Laurie Watson 02:47
Yeah, he boiled it down. And it gave him some food for thought. And he says, “You know, I had been very much frustrated by my wife’s lack of wanting somebody man say that I want her to want it, which I get. But so learning this key fact, really helped me develop empathy for my wife situation and stop thinking of her as being deficient in some way. And as a result of my new perspective, I changed the way I started to approach her around sex, I became gentler. And I started to express no frustration at all if she was not in the mood. And I even started to joke around gently about the fact that she was not in the mood, showing that I understood how we had this unbalance. And this was perfectly okay and natural. Oh, I love that. I love that. And over time, using this new approach, my wife started to be more relaxed about sex. No kidding. She wasn’t failing all the time. And we started to meet each other sexually. And then I started to open up to her emotionally as well. And now things are moving toward a much healthier relationship between us sexually and emotionally. And there are still certain issues that we need to work out in our marriage to progress. But the sex piece is moving in a better direction and has played a very important foundational piece, as both of you have pointed out again. So thanks to you and George and also to Adam Mathews with one T. Thank you, Adam, whose episodes I’ve been listening to I really appreciate his perspective and wisdom as well. You are all providing a wonderful service. And I’m sure that I’m not the first person who can attest that your podcast has played a significant role in saving my marriage.” Makes me want to cry. That is so great. Wow, I feel so touched that he would write to us, that is awesome. Thank you. Thank you.
George Faller 04:38
Thank you. It is beautiful. Just to know a message can get out there and people can use it. To turn things around. Most people get separated or divorced. Not because they don’t love that partner. Just because the distance gets too great. The mistrust gets too great. That this this man was able to kind of bridge that distance and kind of get what we all deserve, which is more love and attention and higher levels of engagement. It’s so cool. I don’t want to cry, I got a big smile on my face. You want to clap, right? It’s so different ways of responding. It’s so beautiful.
Laurie Watson 05:15
It is. Thank you appreciate that. I think because we do this work to, you know, just microphones, it’s hard to know that it’s reaching people. And we have had lots of feedback. But Gosh, it’s just makes my day to hear this encouragement that we’re actually changing people’s lives. That’ss awesome. Thank you very much.
George Faller 05:36
And to highlight, that there’s a universal message. I mean, the story that he told millions of couples can tell the story similar, if they learn new moves, if they learn how to respond to that partner in a way that’s safer. I mean, that’s, that’s why we’re so passionate about this, because there’s so much science and research behind doing this in a more effective way. It’s just most people don’t have the information. We need to spread this information. So we don’t feel so alone. Like it’s just something wrong with also with our partner. There’s just a miss here that we got to learn how to repair. And there’s some really concrete ways of doing that.
Laurie Watson 06:14
Yeah. And we would love and appreciate that. If you do share with your friends. I suppose it’s it’s a little harder to share with some friends, right? “Hey, I listened to this sex podcast called Foreplay.” I don’t know, I maybe there’s just like, “Hey, I’m listening to some people that you know, are talking about sexual intimacy, and I’m learning a lot about it” and let the person ask you what the what the title is. And then you bless them with our sexy name.
George Faller 06:40
Yeah, well, I, I want us all to be bolder. We got to stop kind of hiding this behind closed doors. And we need to kind of get out there because this is universal. We’re all having the same problems. And we all need the same solution. So the more that we kind of access that boldness that says, not only do I not need to be ashamed of this, like, You should be proud, what this man has done is beautiful and inspiring. All right, that’s a message I want to shout it out at the rooftops in the mountaintops like to get it out there. Not something to keep to ourselves. ,
Laurie Watson 07:15
Yeah I love that. Okay, be bold, share Foreplay. Wait, wait, wait, people share Foreplay RADIO. Okay, so let’s come back and start our questions. Okay, we’re gonna cut this a little short, and then we’ll have some more time on the other side.
George Faller 07:36
So for all you therapists out there listening to our show, I really want you to check out successinvulnerability.com, our new training website that we believe is taking online therapists training to the next level, it’s so focused on moment by moment, practical moves, less theory, to really get people to have immediate success, right, we’re trying to measure targets of change. So we can see if we’re on target, or we need to adjust. And the feedback we’re getting is really excited. We’re incorporating that feedback to continually adjusted to change the schedule and come join us, SIV team.
Laurie Watson 08:18
Also, I’ll just put a plug in for it as well, because I am one of the learners, this kind of instruction just is not out there how to do the micro moves that change people’s hearts toward each other. It’s so good. So it’s reasonably priced, I just encourage you to go over to successinvulnerability.com and sign up. It’s great training. You know, sometimes the Q and A’s are repetitive, right? Because people are struggling with the same sorts of things. All of us. It’s sex is difficult. And some I hear these themes, but I want to take it from this woman she says as a woman, I feel lots of pressure to perform. I grew up with no guidance about sex, and I watched a lot of porn. As an adult, I feel a deep desire to be that perfect sexual partner. It’s led to me having sex when I really wasn’t in the mood, faking some orgasms, and turning myself into an object. I can’t remember a time when I ever said no to sex with a partner. I also recognize my own sexual trauma has impacted me. How do I lessen the need to be the perfect sexual partner? How can I get better at expressing what I don’t like and be more vulnerable, emotionally and bad? How can I end sex when I’m triggered by my trauma without ruining the mood or potentially making my partner feel like something is wrong with them when that isn’t the case? I still want to know them. I still want to I still want them to know how much I love sex and care about their sexual needs to. Also I love your podcast. You guys have excellent chemistry and it’s been so helpful to me Thank you so much again for that encouragement. George, I just, I feel for this woman, I mean, obviously, a younger woman than I, because the internet was in existence when I was growing up and becoming sexual. So she’s watched porn. And you know, what I hate about porn for both genders is that they often come into the sexual moment, the sexual relationship with with all these ideas about how they should look and act. They don’t get to experience their first experience with that pleasure of being touched for the very first time and just, gosh, that explosion of sensation that you feel when somebody touches you for the first time, it’s just, I hate this. There’s there’s this performance anxiety already inside them.
George Faller 10:49
Yeah, it was actually heartbreaking when she said, she turned herself into an object, right? That she could actually verbalize that. That’s some brilliant insight. Yeah, but to recognize that her need to perform for others, has come at the cost of her losing herself. And really just to even say that as a really vulnerable thing. You know, so I would want to encourage her she’s not already on the road to do get differently by naming that. So me people I work with cat name, that they don’t even recognize the costs of kind of the way that they’ve been performing. You know, so habitually over the years, there’s nothing like bad sex they train your body not to want to have sex. Yeah. But how do we she has a such a right to that vulnerability. Like she shared parts of herself that is so beautiful and tender, right. And yet, she’s afraid of sharing that with her partner, because that would be rejected or ruin the mood or do something bad that she’s willing to hide herself to kind of keep the piece going.
Laurie Watson 11:52
And much of what I hear is, it’s all performance. And she’s really not talking about deep desire to have sex, deep desire to have a sexual experience. It’s like, I want to be perfect, I want to look good. I’ll even fake an orgasm. Even when I’m triggered about my sexual trauma, I’m still going forward in the sexual moment. It’s like, Ah, you know, just kind of completely split off from her own erotic self.
George Faller 12:25
Well, it comes from that beautiful place of that she’s willing to sacrifice herself to love others. Right, that’s other people’s, you know, sensation becomes more important than hers. I mean, I think that’s the essence of love, that you’re willing to kind of put others before yourself, we just lose the balance sometimes when that happens to habitually. So I got I just want to connect with where it comes from. Yeah, I mean,
Laurie Watson 12:51
I agree, George, that some of it is love, but some of it is. I mean, yes, she wants her partner to have a better experience than her. But also, it’s like, she’s not talking necessarily about a committed relationship, right? She’s talking about, I’m doing this for to get approval or to get acceptance. I mean, I don’t know that it’s just about her doing it to express love that, you know, when she’s not able to say no, this is, this feels just as a woman, it feels deeply problematic to me, not loving.
George Faller 13:27
Yeah, it’s helpful to distinguish between a one night stand doing it and in a committed relationship. Sure, we’re doing a committed relationship that usually is more about I just want my partner to be kind of happy, and I’m willing to kind of service right which, but either way that either it’s out of love and sacrifice, or it’s out of fear that if I showed my real self, you’d reject me. either scenario pushes you more in the direction of losing yourself over time. Right. So how do we encourage her in a safe way? That actually, she’s got to learn how to stand up for herself before anybody’s gonna be able to see that part of her that, you know, that’s, that’s the work, that this part that she’s sharing this vulnerable part, is actually inspiring. Like, she’s willing to kind of, I don’t know, I’m sure many of our listeners like us, when we hear her articulate, it’s like, you want to know more? You caught it, I felt myself wanting to kind of engage as she was, as she was writing as you were reading that. So again, how do we courage that standing up for self, that assertion of self that’s so important before part two, is the partner hearing what she has to say? But if we are not willing to stand up for yourself, you’re not going to get any change with your partner.
Laurie Watson 14:47
And I would like to encourage her she says, you know, how can I get better at expressing what I don’t like and be more vulnerable emotionally in bed? Well, she’s been incredibly vulnerable with us, either just to tell us so we know. This woman has the capacity to start to be vulnerable in bed emotionally. And she’s really saying, How do I express the negative? When I am not in the mood when I don’t like what’s happening? When I’m triggered when I need, I guess when I need something? I mean, she’s faking orgasm, right? She doesn’t say if she is orgasmic or not in general. But yeah. So first, I would say, you know, perfect sexual partner. I mean, there’s no such thing, as whatever you saw is a fiction. I mean, porn is fantasy. It is not real. It is not what happens in people’s bedrooms, I’m sorry, but it isn’t not over the long haul, there’s, there might be moments that are intense and highly sexual. And then there are other moments that are loving, and there are moments that are, you know, just stress relief. I mean, it’s everything. But you don’t have to be perfect.
George Faller 16:01
And to encourage are practically, to have a conversation with a partner, to be intentional about the importance of feedback. Welcome in that before the sex to say, Hey, listen, I was thinking about how I can get more kind of sexually engaged. And you know, and I’m thinking about what I might like, and I’ve never been able to talk about that. But I really love to do that, like getting the buy in from the partner before it happens, is so much more likely for success than in the middle of sex, never seen anything all of a sudden say, Well, I really don’t like that. It’s hard for the bond that and I think that is criticism, right? So again, that it’s, she’s already doing it, start outside the bedroom with this conversation, as she starts to assert herself more and gets his or her permission by him to say, Yeah, I want more feedback, I want to give you feedback, that’s a sign of a growing relationship. You know, I think that would be a great first step.
Laurie Watson 16:58
I loved what you said, I’ve never really been able to talk about this before. And I’m really gonna try to do this with you. I’m gonna dare myself to do this with you. It’s like, that’s a beautiful gift. That I think a partner would love to hear, Oh, you’ve you’ve never told anybody about it. Well, I’m all ears.
George Faller 17:16
I’m all of this, because I’m so special. Right? You’re doing this just with me. And now all of a sudden, this thing that you’re afraid is going to blow up has become something both people are wanting and anticipating and longing for, which is really cool. And then when you do it, celebrate it. So when you’re able to say, you know what, you know, that feels good. But if you just slow down a little bit, I think you know, and your partner does it. And afterwards we say, Damn that was so good. I mean, that’s training both people for feedback.
Laurie Watson 17:43
Mm hmm. saying I’m about to open up to you to be vulnerable. That’s, that’s the ticket. So also, how do I have sex when I’m not triggered? I grow. I don’t want you to have sex, when you’re triggered by your trauma. I really don’t. If you could hear me, you know, so it’s okay. It’s okay to say, look at this, this is a bad day for me, I got triggered by some bad thoughts and bad memories. And could you hold me, you know, I mean, please, I really want you to make space inside to say this, this thing that happened to me is stopping me and I also want you to get healing for the drama. You know, I want you to to know that trauma can be healed. And you know, there’s people out here we can, we can help with that a lot of our EFT, therapists are trained in trauma wounds and how to heal that. And we just want you to get the help so that you don’t have to carry that forever, for sure.
George Faller 18:40
And just for the record, the partners certainly want to have an orgasm, that’s important. But they do not want to be part of having sex with somebody who’s not engaged and doesn’t, you know, is having a trauma response. they’d much rather kind of have an orgasm another day and be able to be there for you in a way no one else is really there for you. It’s such a beautiful opportunity for the partner to love. Well, you know, so I would kind of give your partner a chance to see that and respond because it feels great for them to be able to show up in those powerful ways.
Laurie Watson 19:11
Right? And she does say here, you know, I still want them to know how much I love sex and care about their sexual needs, too. I read that and forgot about it because I was too wrapped up in her no. Okay. Thank you, first of all, for writing in, you know, maybe just a little bit of organization with some therapy to help you think this through about how you can be in it with your partners and tell them what you need and stopping no one to do it. And, you know, I just I think you clearly have the capacity to be vulnerable. So I’m encouraging you, girl.
Announcer 19:50
Speak with certified sex therapist, Laurie Watson from Awakenings Center for Couples and Intimacy Laurie, what is an intensive?
Laurie Watson 19:57
So an intensive is 12 to 14 hours of therapy all in one weekend. And it’s a way to really make fast progress on an issue that you’ve been stuck in. Maybe it’s a sexual issue or a relationship issue. People will fly in maybe on a Friday, and we’ll do three hours usually get them acclimated, kind of set a direction. And then on Saturday, we usually do four or five hours and Sunday morning, four or five hours as well, compared to weekly therapy. I mean, there’s just so much more you can get done when you have a chunk of time.
Announcer 20:30
How do people know if an intensive will help them?
Laurie Watson 20:32
I do an initial 1 hour interview, to make sure that the candidate is suited for that kind of deep, long work, and also to make sure that I’m the right person. And for the record, if you don’t choose to come in and see me then you don’t have to pay for that hour
Announcer 20:47
Overcome the challenges in your relationship and your sex life. Learn more about intensives and Awakenings Center’s other services at AwakeningsCenter.org
Laurie Watson 20:57
Hey, I just want to take a minute to thank our Patreon supporters. I am very grateful for what you’ve done and we’d love to invite the rest of you in on our mission.
George Faller 21:05
Your support means more than you realize and it keeps this project moving forward. And we’re really hoping to reach greater heights.
Laurie Watson 21:14
Find a link on foreplayrst.com. And we are so thankful for your support.
Announcer 21:29
Become a Patreon supporter at the highest level and be part of George and Laurie’s Live Q&A exclusively for patrons on June 22nd!
Laurie Watson 21:33
Okay, question. Second question. And this is familiar, but angrier, more hurt. makes so much sense why this guy feels so hurt. But he says how do we as the pursuer deal with the constant rejection? How do we bring up the topic as to not start a war or push up spouses away my wife will only have sex if it’s on her terms. Her time, her position, length of time it takes to finish outside of that there’s absolutely no physical contact nor is there any discussion about what I can do to help I feel held hostage by her lack of desire interest in want. I just this is hurts me all over for this person. You can sense his total frustration and helplessness and anger and maybe even rage which I get I get he’s, you know, he’s feeling so trapped. And it’s so delicate, he’s afraid to talk about it. It’s just gonna start a war.
George Faller 22:38
This pursuer is trying to strike that balance. Laurie, between on one end of the continuum, our first listener sent in that celebration, right that pursue was able to find grace, to be able to to kind of take the rejection less personal, to try to find a way of taking pressure off an anxiety off the partner. And that’s what allowed the partner to re engage. So that’s the target typically we’re working for. But the other end of the continuum is that pursuer has a right to needs being met, to responsiveness, that just never having sex, just taking the pressure off sometimes does it work? And sometimes they actually have to stand up and be able to say, Hey, wait a second. You know, we haven’t had sex in three years. And we’re waiting for 20% of couples have sexless. So this is a huge problem. Right? And like, how do you state that this isn’t Okay, like, what is the plan? Like how do we address this together as a couple exists, this isn’t tenable to just keep being in a relationship where, you know, we’re tiptoeing around each other, not dealing with the issue and years of going by. Right. So again, if that’s the case, sometimes there is an assertiveness which is different than anger. And it’s saying, you know, what, listen, if you’re not going to engage in something drastic has to happen here because I need you to just face this with me and deal with the problem together instead of it just being on the shoulders of one person.
Laurie Watson 24:05
I love that. I mean, I know your EFT brain is hearing the words war, and hostage and how dire This feels. It’s, I mean, this is this is so important. And I think the only way to kind of get through the huge rage is you know, you got to talk about this. And I mean, this this guy, it’s kind of like do or die, right. You know, I need sex. You’re not being sexual with me. You don’t touch me. I mean, it’s, he’s in so much pain and or nobody would be using those kinds of metaphors if they weren’t in tremendous pain.
George Faller 24:43
Exactly. And his brain is so much resentment. It’s almost stuck in red, right where it’s just it doesn’t feel it feels hopeless. It feels helpless. It has to disengage it it’s it’s it’s vicious. Right. You can see why couples like this often don’t make it. Because they’re they’re getting to the point of distances getting so great that it’s usually where one person just can’t take it no more kind of gets out of the relationship. And obviously, there’s still love there. But the unmet needs are taking a staggering toll.
Laurie Watson 25:16
I think this kind of level of upset, you need a mediator, you need a therapist, I don’t think this can be untangled at this point. But in himself, he needs somebody who will help and really get how important the sexual relationship is. This, to me is what the message we have to bring to therapists. It’s like you can’t start with, hey, let’s just do some quick communication learning here. And let’s get you regulated. It’s like, Oh, my God, this guy, his body is starving. He’s saying, I don’t there’s absolutely no physical contact. If the therapist doesn’t understand how this is so painful to him, and really validate him and resonate with him, I mean, he’s, he’s going to be helpless. Because he needs if he goes to therapy, and to a mediator, he needs help. He needs somebody who gets it about sex.
George Faller 26:13
When I see a couple like this, I really tried to get them. First, I appreciate the desperation. And I want them to see that the window is really closing on their relationship. They need some new moves quick. Yeah. And it’s not a great environment for new moves. Like if I’m his partner, I’m sure he’s not very wanting to have sex with, right, because there’s so much resentment and anger, and that doesn’t feel safe. So we talked about that in another episode, right? She has low libido for a reason. And his moves is there’s no romance, there’s no emotional kind of things happening. No wonder why her body’s not turning on. I mean, this is a total setup for both of them. It’s a predictable pattern where both of them are suffering terribly. So yes, they need the expertise of a therapist, at least say, hey, you have good reasons why here. And here’s the plan from getting you added here to this new place. But to do that, I need both you to risk simultaneously. And if one of you doesn’t, you know, that’s we’re gonna get, we’re gonna fall right back into that same negative pattern.
Laurie Watson 27:16
Yeah, these people need help fast. And I love what you’re talking about. Both people risking simultaneously. And I love that you brought up probably what’s happening for her maybe low libido. She didn’t want to have sex with him. I mean, who wants to have sex with somebody who’s showing great? Yeah, yeah, you know, forget about it. But he didn’t get there overnight.
George Faller 27:37
Neither one of their fault, that’s a big part of the therapist message, its not your fault, stop pointing the finger at each other. Both people want the other person to change, but are not doing what’s necessary to help that person change. And that’s the big reframe. That’s the message we’re trying to a therapist trying to say, they’re not going to change, he’s just not all of a sudden going to start having sex, if you continue to be angry, he’s not going to stop being angry. So you continue to not have sex. If you’re not both going to do this differently. It’s mathematically very predictable, where this is going to go.
Laurie Watson 28:09
And that’s what I love about EFT is we’re holding both truths. At the same time, it makes sense to us as a therapist, why both of these things are happening. And if if it can make sense in one person in us, that’s the hope that they can see, you know, how it makes sense for their partner. I mean, I really think it’s, it’s this magic, you know, holding it together in us. Nobody being to blame it making perfect sense two things that are happening at the same time that are in opposition to each other. It gives people a chance.
George Faller 28:46
And seeing the negative cycle is step two, we have to start off connecting. So when he came into my office, I’d really want to give him permission for his anger. He’s been trying so hard. And he’s he tried every move and read every book and is writing to us, it’s because he just desperately wants something different and he’s not getting it. Anger is a natural emotion of protest, to try to shake to create change, and it’s not happening. So if I could connect with him and really honor his anger, and I could do the same thing with her the good reason she don’t want to have sex. Right now both people feel heard. Literally, we’re using ourselves as a bridge, then they could start seeing the bigger pattern of how one person’s anger feeds the other going away the other going away feeds the anger, right. But too often, even therapists go too quickly to try to sell a cycle. When people’s brains are yellow and red. They can’t even hear that information. They need somebody connect and say I hear you. I see your frustration. It makes a lot of sense. Anybody would be resentful after all these years, you know where it feels like it’s on hard terms.
Laurie Watson 29:53
Can I just say too often therapists don’t use the content of sex. They want to move quickly to emotions and feelings and it’s like his body is feeling something, His body is you know, the way he connects. It’s like we have to honor that, we have to be able to talk about sex.
George Faller 30:14
I totally agree and for years I probably as a new therapist did that too. Like Oh, hold on we’ll get to the sex later on once we can get you to better communicate with each other when Wait a second, this is the presenting issue, like presenting issues, an affair or addiction like we need to deal with that presenting issue. Presented issue is a lack of sex. That’s really important. We need to honor that and you know, open up space to talk about it.
Laurie Watson 30:38
Yes. I got more to say. But we’re outta time, right.
George Faller 30:45
We appreciate this. Just again, the feedback, the willingness to put that protest on paper and just hoping that somebody is going to hear it and maybe give you a pointer to do things differently. Like this man is fighting for change. And I think that’s beautiful. That’s how we grow. He doesn’t want to just resign himself, he knows that something could be better. He’s just not sure how to make that happen.
Laurie Watson 31:05
It’s not just a presenting problem. It is like the, the path of connection for so many of us. It’s the sexual attachment cycle is so powerful. It’s like it’s not just something that is not articulated. Well, it is the body has its own language, its own feelings. It’s its own pushing its own pole. You know, it’s Yes, it’s impacted by the emotional cycle, but it also impacts the emotional cycle. It’s both.
George Faller 31:37
Yeah. Well, listen, there’s no doubting we’re safer. We’re not connection emotionally and sexually secure. And what it’s not it’s a risk that a relationship says sometimes we have to name the problem before we can get to the solution. So thank you for sending out an email.
Laurie Watson 31:55
Thank you. We appreciate your feedback. Thanks for listening.
Announcer 32:03
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