You are currently viewing Episode 403: Take the Pressure Off: How to Fix Delayed Ejaculation

Episode 403: Take the Pressure Off: How to Fix Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation is when a man cannot reach orgasm intervaginally during sexual intercourse. If this is something you have dealt with, you are not alone! We know that this can be frustrating and embarrassing for men that have experienced this and today’s episode will provide you with tangible tools to overcome it. Join George and Laurie today as they discuss delayed ejaculation, the cause of it and problem solving strategies. Download this episode to learn how to reduce the pressure around orgasming and how to communicate with your partner. Don’t forget to join us on September 8th for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat. We are so ready to help you have better love and better sex in your relationship!

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Show Notes

Understanding Men’s Orgasmic Experience
– Speaker shares their observations on young men struggling to have an orgasm during intercourse
– Explore the possibility that the man’s partner may have already climaxed, leading to a need for continuous stimulation without reaching orgasm
– Offer suggestions for men to achieve orgasm through masturbation or by pulling out and masturbating next to their partner
– Empathize with women’s desire for their partner to experience a satisfying climax during intercourse

Pressure and Disconnect from Pleasure
– Discuss the common issue of men putting pressure on themselves to have an orgasm during sex
– Explain how this pressure can cause men to be less present and focused on their partners, leading to disengagement from the real experience
– Contrast the lack of pressure in situations like watching porn or masturbating, where it’s easier for men to orgasm
– Highlight the disconnect between making love to their partner and experiencing pleasure for men who struggle with this pressure

Women-only Retreat in Asheville
– Promote a women-only retreat happening in Asheville, with details on the location, dates, and activities
– Share the topics covered during the retreat related to sexual anatomy, physiology, attachment, blocks, turn-ons, orgasms, roleplay, joys, and fantasies
– Mention the planned pajama parties for relaxation and bonding, as well as the Sunday morning session focusing on concrete steps towards sexual engagement with partners

Addressing Delayed Ejaculation
– Highlight the importance of communication and being connected with a partner in addressing delayed ejaculation
– Emphasize the need to be present in the moment and let go of controlling thoughts and fears associated with sex
– Discuss specific steps to take the pressure off and focus on pleasure, touching, and oral sex
– Advocacy for using a product for enhanced pleasure, with a discount code for listeners to use


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Joe Davis – Announcer [00:00:28]:

The following content is not suitable for children.

George Faller [00:00:31]:

There’s an epidemic out there.

Laurie Watson [00:00:32]:


George Faller [00:00:33]:

So many men delayed orgasm they can’t finish. They’re in a relationship. They’re with their most important other. They want to reach the heights of ecstasy, and nothing happens. I know it’s a big problem. Laurie. Let’s talk about it.

Laurie Watson [00:00:51]:

Okay. Let’s help these young men with delayed Ejaculation, and we’ve got kind of four ways that we think we can really help them. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:01:05]:

And I’m George Faller, your couple’s therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:01:07]:

We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:01:09]:

Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts, and.

Laurie Watson [00:01:18]:

We have a little bit of fun doing it. Right.

George Faller [00:01:19]:

G. Listen and let’s change some relationships. So excited. Laurie, another in person training. Philadelphia unleashing the power of sex and EFT for therapists. October 4 and October 5. This is one of our favorite trainings to do. It’s such a need out there to empower therapists, to keep their focus better in session and know how to help couples facilitate these bonding conversations through sex. Most of us don’t grow up in families talking about this stuff, so get some of the tools that you need. Have some fun. Engage with other therapists. It’s great to be back in person.

Laurie Watson [00:01:57]:

Oh, yes. It is so great to be in person. We had so much fun in our last in person training. I mean, people actually laugh at our jokes, and I got to say, some of what we’re doing, I think it’s pretty cutting edge. We’re working on stage one and stage two. For those of you who are therapists and EFT, you’ll get what we’re talking about. But even if you’re not an EFT therapist, there’s a lot here that you can learn about how to talk with couples about sex and how to become more expert at it.

George Faller [00:02:24]:

And if you’re a listener and you do have a therapist and your therapist doesn’t know about EFT, tell them, you know what? I think you should check this training out. I guarantee they’ll come out of that training with some new tools, which is that’s what we’re in the business of, right? Creating change with new tools.

Laurie Watson [00:02:40]:

Yes. So come join us in October in Philadelphia.

George Faller [00:02:44]:

I can’t tell you how many young men come into my office or young couples, and they should be in the prime of their love making and they’re know. And then the guy will say, hey, I’m attracted to my partner. I don’t know what happens. She has an orgasm, I’m into it, and I don’t have an orgasm.

Laurie Watson [00:03:06]:

Yeah, so many young men tell me that as well, that they’re having intercourse. Maybe she’s climaxed already and they have to keep going and going and going, and their partner is getting worn out and they just are not getting even to the crest of the hill to have an orgasm. When they’re with their partner, most of the time they can do it with masturbation or they can do it let’s say they pull out and they masturbate next to their partner or something. Then they can have an orgasm. But it’s super frustrating and I hear women talk about it, that they’re I think even if they don’t climax with intercourse, it’s like you want your partner to have that big explosion. You want them to climax and doing it inside you is this wonderful experience.

George Faller [00:03:59]:

It’s a good role reversal for women to empathize. Well, it’s like for a lot of men when their female partners don’t orgasm. But yes, in my experience with a lot of these men, they want to perform their partner. Having an orgasm is really important. Sure, for a lot of times their partner does have an orgasm, and yet something gets in the way of them doing what’s so supernatural. I mean, when your partner orgasms, I mean, is there anything more of a turn on than that that should be able to get you over that hill and get you kind of going in direction you need to? But we’re just going to try to figure out what are some of the things blocking that so people can get back to enjoying each other, enjoying their own orgasms.

Laurie Watson [00:04:42]:

Yeah. And sometimes this happens in a new relationship or a young relationship. And I actually have people that I talk to in existing relationships where they just men who can’t climax inside their partner or with their partner or in their partner’s presence. It gets even worse. But let’s just say that they can’t climax intravaginally. They can’t climax when they’re having sexual intercourse.

George Faller [00:05:08]:

Well, anytime I’m running up against a sexual kind of issue, my first thought process is this like a biological thing or is this like a psychological thing or some combination of the two? So does testosterone play a big part in being able to finish, or I know it does with Ed, but what about this being able to orgasm and finish?

Laurie Watson [00:05:32]:

Right in this case, for delayed Ejaculation, testosterone really is not playing a part. I think you’re onto something because sometimes delayed Ejaculation also leads to Ed erectile dysfunction. But even then, when one is causing the other, it doesn’t have anything to do with testosterone. And the way you can kind of think about it is he’s able to Ejaculate, usually on his own, and ejaculation just is not dependent on testosterone. Erections sometimes are dependent on testosterone, and desire is dependent on testosterone, but usually he’s getting a good erection. He just can’t come. And so it’s not about testosterone. So for the memory, I don’t worry about sending them to the urologist. I send them to the therapist.

George Faller [00:06:24]:

So you’re assessing. Can they have an orgasm outside the sexual encounter? And you’re saying most men will be able to have an orgasm. What if a man can’t have an orgasm masturbating either.

Laurie Watson [00:06:37]:

So even still not a testosterone issue, but probably more of a psychogenic issue, like, what is happening inside? Let’s say most men previously could, and suddenly he’s in a phase where he can’t. So what’s happening? What is he telling himself inside himself that he can’t climax?

George Faller [00:06:55]:

Okay, so this is good news. This is mostly a psychological issue.

Laurie Watson [00:06:59]:


George Faller [00:07:00]:

Right. And once you kind of are willing to talk about it, you can start getting the help you need. You don’t have to suffer alone with this issue. There’s nothing wrong with you physically. This is a psychological issue that you need to work through.

Laurie Watson [00:07:12]:

Right, exactly. So, I mean, I begin to wonder with a young man, is he having the kind of sex that he desires? Like, one man, he was kind of fairly religious when he got married, and he said he liked primitive, primal sex, but he was like, I can’t even ask for that because I’m not very good at vanilla sex. And that was so complicated. Right. Because his fantasy world had lots of energy about sex. It was this primitive, primal, animalistic kind of experience that he found very exciting. But now he’s with his new wife. He wants it to be good for her. He’s concerned. He’s anxious about being a good lover. All of that is hanging him up, and he kind of can’t let go into whatever it is that turns him on. And to begin with, he can’t even talk about it. They’re so new in their relationship. They don’t talk about sexual fantasies and desires. They don’t have language yet.

George Faller [00:08:17]:

So I’m trying to break this down.

Laurie Watson [00:08:19]:

So I can yeah. Thank you.

George Faller [00:08:21]:

Right. So is this an interpersonal problem? Is this something you can’t communicate with your partner? You want to do something, but you don’t know how to say it, you’re not attracted, or there’s something going on in a relationship where the block is kind of turning you off, there’s some break, or you can’t access a gas pedal because you don’t really know how to communicate it. You don’t want to hurt your partner.

Laurie Watson [00:08:45]:

Absolutely. It is interpersonal for sure that people don’t know how to share their gas pedals, their big turn ons. They’re afraid that their big turn ons will hurt their partner, will make their partner feel inadequate, will make their partner think they’re a sex freak or that they’re bad. I mean, I think this is one of the difficulties when you have a really tight control over your mind’s fantasies is sometimes fantasies that we would not necessarily want to do or act out, turn us on and give us sexual energy. And so there’s this balance between how do I allow my mind to let go and how do I then kind of be present with my partner? And if I’m blocking the part of me that is so turned on by something that I’m now no longer able to sort of get to orgasm with my partner and now it’s interfering here. There’s an inside part and a between part, I think, right?

George Faller [00:09:51]:

Well, the inside part, the intrapsychic, that’s certainly what I see a ton of, right? It’s the pressure that men could put on themselves that like, I need to have this orgasm. The only way I’m going to feel really good about this experience, the pressure it puts on. And then the more pressure, they’re not really present, they’re not really focusing on, they’re not in the real moment with their partner. They can’t feel the kissing or the touching because they’re focused on their penis. And the more focused, the more pressure, the more they’re disengaged. They’re actually lost in their own world, focusing, am I going to have this orgasm or not? And it’s pretty lonely. It’s a pretty disconnected place with all that pressure. These same men don’t find that same pressure if they’re watching porn or they’re masturbating. Right. It’s like a sure thing, it’s an easy thing. There’s this visual stimulation, exactly what they like, what turns them on, and it’s like so easy for them to orgasm and then the real thing making love to their partner, and they’re like, disconnected.

Laurie Watson [00:10:50]:

Yeah, exactly. You just described a great big problem. But I think one of the things and you often bring us back to this, is the pressure that men feel. And that’s such a distraction of anxiety. I mean, anything that is happening to the penis that is not good, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation is often due a large part to anxiety. And it’s just kind of that loop that starts going. If it happens once or a couple of times, they get anxious. They start telling themselves, I shouldn’t be doing this, I should come. The more you tell yourself, I should come, I mean, that is so unsexy and it’s so much pressure. And same with women, right? If we’re watching ourselves saying, OOH, I’m not climbing that mountain, I’m not getting very high, I’m not getting turned on here, it’s this counter pressure to what is natural, like you said, being able to be present in the moment and feel.

George Faller [00:11:59]:

So that’s really the number one problem here, is pressure. And we know a lot of men are performance based and driven. And when you’re focusing on a performance and you’re worried about that performance, it’s not so different from a sport, right. When you go to the plate, you’re worried about striking out guess what happens? You strike out. The best hitters get up there, they expected a hit. They got that confidence. They just trust their body will do what it’s supposed to do.

Laurie Watson [00:12:25]:


George Faller [00:12:26]:

So if you’re worried, that’s going to be a big break.

Laurie Watson [00:12:31]:

Exactly. And the good thing, right, the good motive behind this pressure is that they want to please. They’re not really in it just for themselves. They do want their partner to be happy. They want to perform well. They want their partner to climax. They want their partner to feel their sexual energy coming for them. I mean, there is a beautiful motive there, but it gets screwed up in their head, and then it interrupts their ability to enjoy, to feel the erotic pleasure, and then their penis doesn’t work.

George Faller [00:13:08]:

Well, there’s something to be said about cavemen then think so much or work so hard, they just let their biology do what the heck it’s supposed to do.

Laurie Watson [00:13:16]:

Yeah, no, there is. There absolutely is. You kind of have to access the caveman. For sure.

George Faller [00:13:21]:

You have to access the caveman well. If you’re not accessing the caveman because you want to be such a good lover and be responsive and all this other stuff that kind of are important, too, let’s come back and let’s talk to Dr. Lori and how can she help so many of these young men that can’t finish the race?

Laurie Watson [00:13:44]:


George Faller [00:13:49]:

Laurie, we know great lovers are intentional. They bring playfulness curiosity into the bedroom so they can relax. And we got a great product to help do that for you Foria.

Laurie Watson [00:14:02]:

Right. Their sex oil and their awakened product is helpful for orgasms. If you want a bigger or better orgasm, fora is where it’s at. They use all natural plant based ingredients to intensify sexual pleasure and also relieve discomfort. And I can totally see why that works, because it also just kind of helps get everything ready down there.

George Faller [00:14:25]:

Right. And when you can use both the awakened arousal oil and the sex oil, I mean, they do combine to pack.

Laurie Watson [00:14:33]:

A little boom, pack a little punch for the ultimate pleasure pregame. You really want to use it before you start, and then that kind of gets your body a little bit ready. So I fully endorse you to go ahead and treat yourself to more and deeper and fuller pleasure whenever you can find it, and as often as possible, of course. And you can start with the bottle of for. You Foria is offering a special deal to our foreplay FAM. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foreplay. Or just use the code Foreplay at checkout, and that’s Foria foreplay for 20% off your first order. And I recommend trying their awaken arousal oil and sex oil, and you will thank us later. We are doing a couple’s retreat on September eigth. We’re only doing one this year because our training schedule is getting crazy, but we would love to invite you to our couples retreat. It’s by zoom, and you can find it on our website. I like it when you call me Dr. Lori.

George Faller [00:15:44]:

Dr. Laurie in the house. Here we go.

Laurie Watson [00:15:47]:


George Faller [00:15:48]:

I always love this part of working with you. It’s like, yeah, I can get some answers I don’t have. Know, be left in the dark. Right. So here I am. I’m a young guy who’s kind of dating this new girl that I really like, and things are going great until we have sex and I can’t finish, and I feel terrible about that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I mean, I never had this problem before. I don’t have a problem orgasm, and now I do, and I don’t know what the heck to do.

Laurie Watson [00:16:22]:

Is it that in some ways, she’s so important to you that you’re putting extra pressure on yourself?

George Faller [00:16:28]:

Yeah. Before I started dating her, I was in a couple of different relationships that were just fun, but nothing more to it, and I didn’t have any problems. But, yeah, I mean, I really like her.

Laurie Watson [00:16:42]:

Yeah. And so maybe in those earlier relationships, you didn’t put quite as much pressure on yourself to please her or to make it special. Maybe you were just like, it was fun, and you expected a good time, and she expected a good time, but it wasn’t as important inside.

George Faller [00:17:04]:

Yeah, I guess so.

Laurie Watson [00:17:05]:

There’s irony, right, that the more important person like this is happening. That’s got to be pretty frustrating.

George Faller [00:17:14]:

Yeah, exactly. It’s like, what the heck? My body’s betraying me here.

Laurie Watson [00:17:17]:

I’m sure it feels like that. Absolutely. Especially because, you know, you can function, and you do well, and then in this one, it’s not happening.

George Faller [00:17:27]:

Yeah. I mean, it makes me not want to have sex, because the last thing I want to do is to have that happen again.

Laurie Watson [00:17:33]:

Yeah. And I’ll bet that that’s got to have some impact on her. Right. You are attracted to her, I take it.

George Faller [00:17:41]:

Yes, I am attracted to her. I don’t understand why this is happening.

Laurie Watson [00:17:45]:

Yeah. And then when you’re not initiating with her, does she complain about that or feel like you’re not attracted to her or say anything about yeah, I think.

George Faller [00:17:55]:

She’Ll want to invite me into her after dinner, and I’m like, I make an excuse. I had somewhere I have to go, and it’s just the weirdest thing. I’m, like, trying to talk myself out of having sex. I think about this often. I don’t know what has happened to me so hard. I would have done anything to go back to her apartment six months ago, and now here I am thinking about ways to get out of it. Like, what’s wrong with me, doctor?

Laurie Watson [00:18:24]:

Yeah. So there’s nothing wrong with your desire. Sounds like you have lots of desire for her, and you want that, but you get hung up, you get anxious, like, what happens if I can’t climax? And then what do you tell yourself will happen? What will she feel? What are you going to say to yourself?

George Faller [00:18:46]:

Yeah, I just feel like a loser.

Laurie Watson [00:18:49]:

Okay, so you go, okay, I’m a loser. I can’t perform, I can’t climax. That’s good. dismotivation, right, to want to have sex if you’re like, if it doesn’t work, I’m facing this really bad thing that says I’m a loser.

George Faller [00:19:05]:

I guess really it’s more like I’m just not a real man.

Laurie Watson [00:19:08]:

Even worse, you’re a loser and you’re not even a real man. Because you can’t come inside her, right, and you want to you want to be with her. You want to be united with her and have that experience. And then it’s like, this thing happens and you’re like, I’m not even a real man. That is pretty painful.

George Faller [00:19:32]:

So how do I fix that?

Laurie Watson [00:19:35]:

What happens between the two of you when this goes on? Do you say anything? Does she say anything?

George Faller [00:19:41]:

Yeah, I usually just say, hey, babe, I’m just tired. I don’t know what’s going on. And she always is like, it’s no big deal. And she tries to give me a hug, I give her a hug back, but I just feel, like, so frustrated.

Laurie Watson [00:20:04]:

And did the two of you ever talk about kind of what you like, like, what turns you on and would you ever feel comfortable saying, I can’t right now inside you, but how about if we work on it together right now, you touch me or give me a blow job or something like that?

George Faller [00:20:25]:

I think she would be open to that. I just get so focused on, no, it’s going to happen. It has to happen that I don’t think about other things I could be doing.

Laurie Watson [00:20:36]:

So you’re frustrated, feeling that bad sort of place of I’m not a man. You’re not really thinking, okay, how can I get there? Let’s be creative. That’s not in your brain. You’re already feeling so bad about yourself.

George Faller [00:20:50]:

Yeah, we’re having intercourse, and I’m just like, come on, baby, let’s just work here. Come on, do your thing. And I’m just hoping it’s going to work and it just takes long. And then I start saying, oh, maybe it’s not going to work. I know it’s going to work. And I have this conversation with myself, it’s going to work. It’s not going to work. Just keep going. And then eventually it doesn’t work.

Laurie Watson [00:21:10]:

Yeah. Are you feeling anything when you’re telling yourself that in your head, do you feel anything in your penis or is it like, I can’t really feel anymore. I’m disconnected from the pleasure of thrusting and being insider.

George Faller [00:21:29]:

Yeah. I don’t think I pay that much attention to what my penis is feeling. I’m just kind of more in my head, like, come on already. This is supposed to happen.

Laurie Watson [00:21:39]:

Yeah. So you’re in your head, you’re not in your body. And when you look back on, maybe those other couple of relationships. Did you feel a lot? Was it like joyful? Did your body turn on? Could you feel yourself inside her and another partner?

George Faller [00:21:57]:

Yeah, I think I did feel it a little bit more. Like there was something new about it and exciting and not knowing what position or what was going to happen. So I was more aware of, I think, the sensation of that.

Laurie Watson [00:22:14]:

And it sounds like you were open to possibilities of whatever might come, whereas this one, it’s so important. You’re telling yourself something, I got to make it good for her, and I got to come, and this is how it will be good for her. And then suddenly this pressure stops you from feeling anything in your penis.

George Faller [00:22:39]:

Yeah, I think that’s accurate.

Laurie Watson [00:22:42]:

Okay, so do you think that the two of you would be open to trying a couple of experiments?

George Faller [00:22:49]:

Yes, definitely.

Laurie Watson [00:22:50]:


George Faller [00:22:52]:

Anything. Dr. Laura, please tell me what I.

Laurie Watson [00:22:55]:

Can so one of the things I’d.

George Faller [00:22:56]:

Like you to I was hoping you’d give me a pill or something, and.

Laurie Watson [00:23:00]:

If a pill would work on this, I would give it to you, but it doesn’t actually viagra and all that doesn’t actually help. Ejaculation. So one of the things I’d like you to do is how would you feel about a night when when she climaxes? Does she climax with sexual intercourse or with you giving her oral sex or touching her or something like that?

George Faller [00:23:21]:

Yeah, usually through oral sex.

Laurie Watson [00:23:22]:

Okay, so let’s say she’s climaxed, and do you think you would feel comfortable asking her and her doing just a time of pleasure? Actually, no. Sexual intercourse for just a little bit. I mean, you can have sexual intercourse another day or the next morning, but just like a moment, an exercise where she just touches you so that you can get back in touch with what your penis feels.

George Faller [00:23:50]:


Laurie Watson [00:23:52]:

And I would just say, I don’t even want you to climax. Like, maybe be touched for 1520 minutes and no climaxing at all.

George Faller [00:24:02]:

What if I feel like I am going to climax?

Laurie Watson [00:24:06]:

I’d like you to hold back.

George Faller [00:24:08]:

I have to stop myself.

Laurie Watson [00:24:10]:


George Faller [00:24:12]:

Okay. What’s that going to do for me? I’m so be so happy to climax, and I’m going to stop it.

Laurie Watson [00:24:18]:

Yeah, I want you to feel that really powerful impending force and stopping it because you’re actually stopping it right now, but you’re unconscious about the fact that you’re stopping it. So I want you to feel it. And if you do come to the edge, I want you to become conscious of the way that you’re stopping it. So either way, it works. But right now, what I want you to do is kind of just feel pleasure, have her touch you, give you oral sex, whatever. Just enjoy and don’t try to climax. Feels counterintuitive, doesn’t it?

George Faller [00:24:55]:

Yeah. The goal is not to come. I don’t think I’ve ever had that in my life.

Laurie Watson [00:24:59]:


George Faller [00:25:00]:

Okay. And you’re saying if I try that, that there’s something about making a choice not to climax that is going to make this more conscious in me or something?

Laurie Watson [00:25:11]:

Yes, it’s going to make it more conscious, and it’s going to allow you to feel pleasure again without pressure, because right now, the pressure is obscuring anything that you’re feeling in your penis that actually would give you erotic stimulation to get to climax. Okay.

George Faller [00:25:31]:

We can try it.

Laurie Watson [00:25:32]:

Okay, good.

George Faller [00:25:34]:

All right, now we come back.

Laurie Watson [00:25:35]:

Coming back. So ironically, your reaction, right? This is my experience, your reaction of, but what if I have to climax? First of all, if he has to climax, he’s going to. And that’s good. Actually, my saying to him, don’t takes off more pressure, and when I insist don’t come, it does take off even more pressure. So it’s like he’s free again to feel and to reach that point of.

George Faller [00:26:06]:

Inevitability using a ninja move on me.

Laurie Watson [00:26:09]:


George Faller [00:26:09]:

It is reverse psychology.

Laurie Watson [00:26:11]:

It is a ninja move. Absolutely. And this is what couples should do.

George Faller [00:26:15]:

Take the pressure off.

Laurie Watson [00:26:16]:

Take the pressure off. Right. Just go back to pleasure, to touching, to oral sex. Just let him feel something that feels good instead of this part of him that’s like, I’m not going to come. I’m not a man. It’s like he’s got to reengage with his body, and he’s got to be able to ask. Eventually, I would have him ask, what feels better? Can you tell her, I like more pressure. I like this. I like that. When you give me oral sex, do this, do that. That kind of languaging and words help a couple with their sexual adjustment so that it gets really good for them. And a lot of what we sense with delayed ejaculation for men is they’re actually not getting the stimulation that they need. And some of that may be because maybe they’ve used porn, and that visual stimulation is what they have relied on for maybe many years. This is how I get it. And then I’m with one solitary partner, planning to be with this one person for the rest of my life. And I don’t know how to transition from the multiple stimulation that I get in porn into sensual stimulation that I’m getting from my one partner.

George Faller [00:27:28]:

So a lot of men have over relied on the visual stimulation and experienced no pressure in that. Now they got to make the adjustment in real life, which is really the body not working is a sign that we need to do something differently. You got to get more in your body, and you got to get more in your heart. You got to get back to kind of being present with that kiss, smelling your partner’s smell and just feeling the presence of our senses and our touch to kind of make us back in the right. You’ve become disconnected, and you’ve been so focused on this ejaculation know, you’ve disappeared, your body’s still there, but you’re pretty much gone. So I love all these exercises Laurie’s given us to do.

Laurie Watson [00:28:14]:

Yeah. And I mean, you could hear he thought, you know, he already brought her to orgasm with oral sex. He has pleased her, but he kind of can’t take pleasure in that gift that he’s given her because he’s still thinking, but I’m not going to come, and that’s going to be a bad thing for her. There’s just so much communication that needs to happen.

George Faller [00:28:39]:

Yeah, well, that’s my takeaways here. In summary, we’re talking about there’s often a lack of communication. You can’t talk about what really turned you on or changing positions or things that would probably make it a little bit easier. There’s a lack of connection, this pressure that’s happening intrapsychically and what’s happening between the two of you. This performance is leading to disconnection. It’s leading you outside your body. You got to get back into your body.

Laurie Watson [00:29:08]:

Right. We’ve got four things to help with delayed ejaculation. One, you got to communicate with your partner, and you got to be connected. Rather than being in your own head about how you’re not going to reach orgasm or climax, you’re lost from your partner. And this is a love relationship that this guy particularly felt was important. So he’s got to connect with her and be in the moment with her. And that’s the presence, just being present in his body feeling again. And I think letting go of this crazy part that controls his thoughts, it’s like some young men don’t think their thoughts are good and they’re trying to control it all. And you can’t control sex that tightly, so they got to let go of the caveman and not be that is kind of exciting, kind of scary.

George Faller [00:30:04]:

Tap into it, man. Let’s do it.

Laurie Watson [00:30:06]:

Okay, thanks for listening. That was hot. I would love to invite you. This is women only, but we are having a retreat in Asheville on November 10 through the twelveTH, and it’s going to be a slumber party. And so we’re going to all stay together in the same cabin. It’s a beautiful space, and we’re going to have meals brought in and made, and we know who the chef is, and so it’s going to be wonderful. Maybe drink a little bit of wine if you’d like to, and we have kind of some talks and time to work together on your sexuality. So the whole goal of this women’s sexuality retreat, the slumber party, is to basically enhance and develop yourself, your erotic self inside. So we’re going to be talking about anatomy and physiology and sexual attachment. We’re going to talk through blocks. What stops us? What are the breaks against our sexual expression? And then what are our gas pedals? What are our turn ons? How do we open up more sexually, like with enhanced sexual pleasure? And we’re going to. Talk about orgasms and roleplay and using joys and fantasies and some stuff. And each night we’re going to have a pajama party where we just relax and sit around and talk on the deck and hang out together. And then on Sunday morning, we’re going to set our focus and have concrete steps toward sexual engagement with our partners.

George Faller [00:31:35]:

Sounds pretty awesome. Laurie and all the men. Don’t worry about it. Maybe we’ll have like a Spartan camp out somewhere, have a couple of beers and we’ll do our own version of that someday.

Laurie Watson [00:31:47]:

That would be great. So, love to invite you. I will post it on under resources, and there will be the retreat, the scheduling events, and you can link and figure out if you can make it with us on November 10 through the twelveTH in Asheville. Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.

George Faller [00:32:11]:

Laurie we just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witch, or really practical moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. We’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough, there’s talk about theories and these global things. I think most therapists are looking for, what do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.

Laurie Watson [00:32:37]:

That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations. Teaching. It really is interactive. And I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.

George Faller [00:32:57]:

No, we try to emphasize the teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas, so we try to teach those and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do and become their own moves.

Laurie Watson [00:33:15]:

Find George and his

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