Join Laurie and George in this episode as they answer a mailbag question from a devoted listener. The sexual pursuer asks the experts how can I tell my partner I am longing for more erotic connection without it coming across as criticism and causing my partner to shut down. George and Laurie validate this pursuer and all their efforts they put forth for the relationship and come alongside to help them communicate with their love. We discuss how these partners might be missing each other and how they can embrace their erotic and develop a more expansive erotic vocabulary. Not sure what to say to your lover beyond, “baby, you look so good”? Then make sure to download and share this episode and wow them with your words!
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Reflecting on Interaction
– The speaker reflects on their interaction with someone
– The person they interact with shows excitement and gratitude for small gestures
– The speaker is concerned about coming across as nitpicky or critical
– The speaker wants genuine reactions and not for the person to say things just to please them
Encouraging Adult Responses
– The speaker seeks suggestions for encouraging someone to respond in a more adult way
– The speaker wonders if they should just accept the person’s version of excitement
– The speaker acknowledges that they might be nitpicky but it does not improve their mood
– The speaker disagrees with the idea that withdrawers go through a torturous process
– The speaker acknowledges that pursuers tend to overthink their reactions to avoid shutting down withdrawal further
Asking for What You Need
– The speaker ponders how the person can ask for what they need
– The speaker suggests using terms like “dark energy” or “erotic energy” to describe the situation
– Many men have attempted to tap into their primal instincts, referred to as the “caveman” energy, at some point in their lives
– Testosterone plays a role in accessing this energy
– Due to past rejections, some men have learned to suppress this energy
The Importance of Expressing Energy
– The speaker suggests that in this specific situation, the woman desires this energy, and the man wants to tap into it as well
– However, aligning both parties’ desires can be challenging due to past failures
– The speaker believes that holding back criticism in such situations is a wise approach
– There is a sense of control and safety in a relationship, but playing it too safe can diminish erotic energy
– It is normal for couples to miss each other occasionally, but when it becomes the norm, it is important to explore what is blocking the expression of one’s inner energy
– The blockage is often caused by love and sacrifice
Using Seductive Techniques
– The speaker suggests that using a seductive tone and energy can be an effective technique for engaging someone in conversation
– They mention that there is a cultural message portraying the caveman as disrespectful to women, which may have led to men feeling shut down in relationships
– The speaker suggests that this perception may have been influenced by prior relationships or cultural influences
Communication and Energy
– The speaker acknowledges the work and effort the person they’re referring to is putting into their relationship
– They mention that it’s healthy for someone to want their energy to be responded to and to try to protect their partner
– The speaker warns against suppressing one’s energy to protect their partner, as it can lead to missed opportunities and miscommunication
– They emphasize the importance of being able to express disappointment when one’s energy is not met
– The speaker suggests that when energy is not acknowledged, it becomes more challenging to access and may manifest in other ways
Lingerie and Connection
– The speaker discusses the significance of wearing lingerie and the mental state it creates
– They explain that when a woman puts on lingerie, she enters a mood or fantasy
– The speaker expresses the desire for their partner to respond positively and “light up” when they make a sexy comment
– They admit that even receiving a compliment on their appearance is better than no response at all, but it doesn’t fulfill their desired interaction
– The speaker yearns for their partner to reciprocate with something clever and sexy to create a satisfying connection
Focusing on Desires and Needs
– The speaker emphasizes the importance of not criticizing but instead focusing on what one wants more of in a relationship
– They give an example of a partner responding positively when complimented, and expanding on what else they want instead of expressing dissatisfaction
– The speaker suggests that meeting each other’s needs and desires is crucial in a relationship, as couples often miss each other’s cues and intentions
Emotional Experience and Retreat Invitation
– The speaker appreciates a compliment about their outfit
– They feel like crying and have big emotions
– They feel dampened and sad about shopping for and wearing the outfit
– They were excited to show the person they are speaking to and were thinking about being intimate with them
– They feel a lack of intensity from the other person and it has dampened their desire for sex
– They feel flat, crestfallen, and unsure about their feelings
– The speaker is inviting women to a women-only retreat in Asheville from November 10 to 12
– The retreat will focus on working together on women’s sexuality to enhance and develop one’s erotic self
– Topics such as anatomy, physiology, and sexual attachment will be covered
– There will be nightly pajama parties for relaxation and casual conversation
– Concrete steps towards sexual engagement with partners will be set on Sunday morning
Caveman Persona and Expressing Energy
– The speaker mentions that someone will later say that something is bland
– The speaker appreciates the podcast and has benefited from many episodes
– The speaker has learned about the pursue-withdraw cycle and it has helped make sense of their reactions with their husband
– The speaker mentions being able to think of what Laurie and George would say in the middle of discussions
– The speaker is excited about going to market bracelets
– The speaker doesn’t want to omit a certain part of their discussion, even though they are unsure if it is a good part
– They mention seeing a guy who had two other men inside him. One was described as an anxious adolescent and the other supported women’s rights and believed that sexually taking a woman was wrong
– The guy was unsure of how to handle the situation and ended up doing nothing, effectively shutting down the caveman in him
– The speaker interprets Erica as expressing a desire to embrace the caveman persona, while the speaker suggests reining him in.
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Laurie Watson [00:01:02]:
And I’m energy medicine practitioner and Clairvoyant jackie Leonardini.
George Faller [00:01:05]:
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Laurie Watson [00:01:10]:
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Joe Davis – Announcer [00:01:19]:
The following content is not suitable for children.
Laurie Watson [00:01:22]:
So G, we got a Q&A from a listener, really a female sexual pursuer. So I’m very excited about this one. And she’s talking about how does she get her partner to kind of have more dark energy? So let’s talk about what dark energy looks like. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:47]:
And I’m George Faller, your couple’s therapist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:49]:
We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:51]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts, and.
Laurie Watson [00:02:00]:
We have a little bit of fun.
George Faller [00:02:00]:
Doing it right, g listen and let’s change some relationships. So excited. Laurie, another in person training. Philadelphia unleashing the power of sex and EFT for therapists. October 4 and October 5. This is one of our favorite trainings to do. It’s such a need out there to empower therapists to keep their focus better in session and know how to help couples facilitate these bonding conversations through sex. Most of us don’t grow up in families talking about this stuff, so get some of the tools that you need.
George Faller [00:02:34]:
Have some fun. Engage with other therapists. It’s great to be back in person.
Laurie Watson [00:02:39]:
Oh, yes, it is so great to be in person. We had so much fun in our last in person training. I mean, people actually laugh at our jokes, and I got to say, some of what we’re doing, I think it’s pretty cutting edge. We’re working on stage one and stage two. For those of you who are therapists and EFT, you’ll get what we’re talking about. But even if you’re not an EFT therapist, there’s a lot here that you can learn about how to talk with couples about sex and how to become more expert at it.
George Faller [00:03:06]:
And if you’re a listener and you do have a therapist and your therapist doesn’t know about EFT. Tell them, you know what? I think you should check this training out. I guarantee they’ll come out of that training with some new tools, which is that’s what we’re in the business of, right? Creating change with new tools.
Laurie Watson [00:03:21]:
Yes. So come join us in October in Philadelphia.
George Faller [00:03:26]:
So I like this dark energy, trying to find the right words. Laurie right.
Laurie Watson [00:03:32]:
The right words. I mean, she needs to be able to communicate this. Shall I read what she says?
George Faller [00:03:38]:
Well, before we do that, I often feel like my job as a therapist is to become a translator to help people. Yes.
Laurie Watson [00:03:46]:
I love that.
George Faller [00:03:46]:
Find the word that fits them. Because if the word doesn’t fit, then it doesn’t resonate so much. So even as we start off with that dark energy for some people, that probably works great for others. If you want to change, it erotic, lustful, kind of playful, just different thing that’s just not this romantic, lovey dovey kind of mushy stuff. Right.
Laurie Watson [00:04:11]:
Or too bland, I think is what she’s going to tell us later. But let’s hear what she says. Well, she says first of all, I want to say she says very nice things about us. I really appreciate your podcast and have benefited from many of the episodes. Thank you. I have learned a lot about the pursue withdraw cycle and it’s made a lot of sense out of many of what my husband and my reactions to each other have been. Several times, in the middle of a discussion, I’ve been able to think, here’s what Laurie and George would say. I love that we’re going to market bracelets.
Laurie Watson [00:04:43]:
What George and Laurie say. I’ve put into practice many of the things I’ve learned in your podcast and have seen real growth in our relationship. Thank you. We thank you. And again, thank you for these notes of encouragement. It’s great. But then she goes on and says, I have a question about encouraging a spouse to access more of their dark energy. Sometimes if I wear lingerie or do something overtly sexual, the reaction I get is positive.
Laurie Watson [00:05:10]:
But on the same level, if I had given him a nice pair of shoes or a piece of cake, he’d say something similar like, that’s so great, thank you. Or even, you look great. There’s excitement, but it’s not really adult excitement. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll come off as nitpicky or cause him to overthink what he says. And I want him to react genuinely and not feel criticized and not say things just to make me happy. Maybe I am being NIT picky. When he reacts like this, I end up thinking, oh, bless your heart, you’re trying, but which doesn’t really do anything for my mood. Laugh out loud.
Laurie Watson [00:05:49]:
Any suggestions for encouraging him to respond in a more adult way? Or should I just accept his version of excitement? Thank you for all you do. Can I just say I don’t think withdrawers go through this torturous process of, like first of all, she’s thinking about the problems. She’s thinking about how to react to it. She’s very careful, which a lot of pursuers are. They overthink it because they so don’t want to shut down their withdrawal further. But then how does she ask for this thing that she needs? I think you were going to say the first step might be how does she describe it? How do we talk about dark energy or erotic energy would probably be my words.
George Faller [00:06:38]:
Yeah, I mean, listen, that she’s putting all this work in because she wants this energy to be responded to. That’s a really healthy thing. And she’s also trying to protect her partner, which is also really healthy. But so often what happens is we suppress our energy out of protecting our partner, and then we miss that opportunity, and we’re not so scared of couples missing each other and being on different pages. That’s par for the course. It’s being able to put words to that. Right? Like, what is the disappointment she feels when her energy is not met? Right. And then it’s harder to access and it probably shows up.
George Faller [00:07:18]:
So how does she talk about that, I guess, is where maybe we can start off.
Laurie Watson [00:07:25]:
And I just think if you’re a woman and you’re putting on lingerie, you’re in the mood, you’ve got a fantasy going about that evening or that moment, or if you say something sexy, there’s something going on in your head. And if your partner responds nicely, I mean, that’s better than nothing. That’s better than no response. But I can just feel it in my heart that the ball drops just like I wanted it to pop. I wanted him to light up. I wanted him to say something clever and sexy back. And I wanted a hit. And if you just get, oh, you look nice.
Laurie Watson [00:08:14]:
I think this is classic. A woman comes out in a new outfit and says, how do I look? And he says, you look nice. And that’s not what she’s looking for. She wants a big pop. She wants a you look smoking hot, baby or something.
George Faller [00:08:31]:
I love her awareness that doesn’t want to criticize. And I think that’s just a good rule of thumb. Instead of saying what I don’t like, say what you do want more of. Right. So if he says, hey, you look good, and she’s like, yeah, I do look good, don’t I? And what else do I look? Do I look dirty to you? She’s just adding to what she wants instead of saying, hey, I didn’t like that nice. Could you be a little bit more erotic? It’s meeting him where he’s at, because I’m sure there’s a million times he’s tried to respond in erotic way, and that wasn’t met by her. Right. So couples miss each other in this place all the time, maybe, right?
Laurie Watson [00:09:13]:
But maybe not. G, I mean, maybe it isn’t that he was missed. Maybe he doesn’t have a part inside that feels free enough and uninhibited enough to let out the caveman.
George Faller [00:09:26]:
Yeah. Again, I think most.
Laurie Watson [00:09:30]:
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George Faller [00:10:28]:
Most men at some point in their lives have tried to access the caveman. Right. Testosterone helps with that. And if a lot of men have learned to shut down the caveman because he’s been rejected so many times right. It might not be the case in this specific case, but she wants that energy, which is a good thing, and he wants to tap into it, but you got to get both of them on the same page. And I think that’s just hard a lot of times because of all the misses. So leading right into criticism, trying to hold that back is, I think, very wise.
Laurie Watson [00:11:02]:
George Faller [00:11:02]:
Right. And trying to kind of build upon adapting what he did, respond like, you look nice. Yeah, I do look nice, but what else do I look like?
Laurie Watson [00:11:12]:
Just asking for more, I think, toward the erotic energy.
George Faller [00:11:16]:
Laurie Watson [00:11:17]:
What he’s saying? And add to it, but with your tone and your sexy voice, pull him into yourself with more erotic energy. I think that’s good technique. I really do. And I want to go back to what you said know, maybe if men have tried to access the caveman, there is certainly a cultural message right now that says the caveman is bad. It’s disrespectful to women. I mean, it can get twisted up. So it might not have been this relationship with Erica that he got shut down. It might have been a prior relationship, or it might have been culturally, he thinks.
Laurie Watson [00:11:57]:
I don’t want to let this part out. And I don’t even know if this part is a good part, which I have definitely talked about on this podcast. A guy that I saw who had two other men inside. One kind of an anxious adolescent, and the other guy was internal personas that was kind of this person who supported women’s rights and just thought that taking a woman sexually was a bad thing. And he didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t do anything, and he shut the caveman down. But I think Erica is saying, I want the caveman, and you’re saying, pull him in.
George Faller [00:12:37]:
Just pull him in.
Laurie Watson [00:12:38]:
George Faller [00:12:39]:
And so many times, the caveman, because the caveman can come on too strong. If you think about a woman not really being in a mood, not initiating, and here comes a caveman ready to go. I mean, you could see why the caveman could often be rejected, but in this situation, she’s already going. She’s already kind of accessed her desire. That’s why she’s initiating. She’s getting dressed up. So this is a perfect time for the caveman. And how do couples get to communicate that clearly on what they’re looking for?
Laurie Watson [00:13:10]:
Yeah, and also, she’s just saying, what if I do something overtly sexual or say something overtly sexual? I just want to be sympathetic to her. I know those are big risks.
George Faller [00:13:25]:
Laurie Watson [00:13:26]:
They really are. And then if it falls flat, it can be just so painful. So I hear you.
George Faller [00:13:37]:
Yeah. And I don’t think we do a good job of finding erotic words. A couple I ask, how’s it going, the sex? And they say good. And I’m like, well, what was good about it? It was good. They don’t have a lot of words, so I love that she’s looking for more words. Which brings me to this book that we just got, the emotional, thesaurus trying to find words. So how about I read us a couple of words for lust?
Laurie Watson [00:14:03]:
I need some sexy words. Read us.
George Faller [00:14:05]:
All right, what do we got here?
Laurie Watson [00:14:06]:
What is it about lust?
George Faller [00:14:08]:
These are some power words. Erotic energy. This dark energy that we’re talking about. How do you incorporate some more of this in your conversation? Aroused, to brush, to buck, to burn, to caress, to erupt, to explore, to flick, to flicker, to graze, to grip, to lick, to need, to nibble.
Laurie Watson [00:14:38]:
Oh, I like that. Nibble. That’s a good word.
George Faller [00:14:41]:
To please, to press, to pulse, to quiver, to rock. This is my good one. To rock the caveman. Right there.
Laurie Watson [00:14:49]:
You can see his say it again. Your caveman energy just came out. To rock.
George Faller [00:14:54]:
There you go. To rock, to rub, to seize, to shiver, to shudder, to soothe, to squeeze, to stroke, to suck, to sweep, to thrust, to throb, to rip, to OOH, to rip, tremble, to twist, rip your.
Laurie Watson [00:15:17]:
Clothes off is what I was saying.
George Faller [00:15:18]:
To whisper, to win. Those are those are better words than good, right?
Laurie Watson [00:15:24]:
Those are way better words than good. Those are great, sexy words.
George Faller [00:15:27]:
We find some of those words. So when she says, how do I look? And he says, let’s pick one of these. Laura, what do you think?
Laurie Watson [00:15:34]:
I just want to nibble you all.
George Faller [00:15:40]:
I can’t stop grazing on you.
Laurie Watson [00:15:43]:
Do the rock one. Do the rock one.
George Faller [00:15:45]:
The rock one.
Laurie Watson [00:15:46]:
I want to rock your world, baby. I want to rock inside you. How about that?
George Faller [00:15:52]:
I like it. That’s the invitation, right? And maybe you need to have these conversations before to develop your vocabulary, to find more words that capture your energy right. That capture this passion that we all have. We just kind of have learned to turn it off so often, it’s hard to access.
Laurie Watson [00:16:12]:
So I think part two of our couples retreat is, like, how to talk with dark energy. I think we need to teach people that. All right, okay.
George Faller [00:16:21]:
Let’s come back and talk about how to do that. Laurie we know great lovers are intentional. They bring playfulness curiosity into the bedroom so they can relax. And we got a great product to help do that. fourIA.
Laurie Watson [00:16:41]:
Foria. Right. Their sex oil and their awakened product is helpful for orgasms. If you want a bigger or better orgasm for you is where it’s at. They use all natural, plant based ingredients to intensify sexual pleasure and also relieve discomfort. And I can totally see why that works, because it also just kind of helps get everything ready down there.
George Faller [00:17:05]:
Right. And when you can use both the awakened arousal oil and the sex oil, I mean, they do combine to pack a little boom, pack a little punch.
Laurie Watson [00:17:16]:
For the ultimate pleasure pregame. You really want to use it before you start, and then that kind of gets your body a little bit ready. So I fully endorse you to go ahead and treat yourself to more and deeper and fuller pleasure whenever you can find it and as often as possible, of course. And you can start with the bottle of Foria. Foria is offering a special deal to our foreplay FAM. Get 20% off your first order by visiting Fourierwellness.com foreplay. Or just use the code foreplay at checkout. And that’s Foria Wellness.com foreplay for 20% off your first order.
Laurie Watson [00:17:56]:
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George Faller [00:18:06]:
Right. Let’s try to capture that erotic dark energy.
Laurie Watson [00:18:11]:
Lori just the way you say erotic is erotic g it feels good to.
George Faller [00:18:16]:
Tap into that energy. You can feel the power of it. It’s very different than that sensual, kind of love romantic, which is also beautiful and super important. But this is just a different side of and so let’s play around. We’re roleplay, and you could be the partner, and we go back to who are we? Joey and Jane.
Laurie Watson [00:18:37]:
Joey and Jane. But this time, Jane is a sexual pursuer.
George Faller [00:18:40]:
Yes. So she’s going to initiate, and I’m going to try to kind of respond to it, and then maybe we’ll do it again, and I won’t respond, and we’ll just play around with it.
Laurie Watson [00:18:49]:
George Faller [00:18:55]:
That change. Okay, get it to roll.
Laurie Watson [00:19:02]:
She steps into the role. Okay, so let’s just pretend maybe I have something on that’s comfortable or sexy or something, and you are what, sitting at the table on your computer?
George Faller [00:19:17]:
No, I’m laying in bed on my computer.
Laurie Watson [00:19:19]:
Oh, you’re laying in bed on the computer. Okay, good. Okay, so I come out of the bathroom in my outfit. I’m like, so, baby, guess what I’ve been thinking about all day long.
George Faller [00:19:35]:
Damn, girl, you look good. Let me turn this computer off. You are hot. Sit your little ass over here.
Laurie Watson [00:19:49]:
Exactly. Okay? Now I’m, like, blushing. We have it on tape. That hit me. I get it. That dark energy back did exactly what I wanted. Right? I came to him, and he met me, and boom. And then there’s just, like, double the excitement.
Laurie Watson [00:20:11]:
I can feel it. That is exactly what she’s looking for.
George Faller [00:20:16]:
Yeah, I like how you double the excitement. And I can feel I could not close that computer fast enough. My body was like, boom. This is awesome. Right? This lady looks sexy as hell. Like, she’s in her power. She’s in her element. I mean, it’s such a turn on and then be able to access the powerful part of it that immediately wants to respond to it.
Laurie Watson [00:20:43]:
Yes. And I think any sexual pursuer, male or female, right, when we come on to our partner, we want a hit, we want it to land. We want back from them that same energy. And that’s what you gave me. And then it’s so exciting, and you’re off to the races, because when you’re already thinking about it, you’re already aroused, and you’re taking action steps towards your partner, and the energy is directed towards your partner, and they meet you. That is so great.
George Faller [00:21:17]:
And I love as you highlight, it grows the energy.
Laurie Watson [00:21:22]:
George Faller [00:21:23]:
You’re starting it off with some energy, and it immediately kind of wells up inside of me. So now I’m bringing energy back to you. No wonder why this is such a great experience. When two people are fully present and they’re accessing this kind of powerful energy, and good stuff is going to happen.
Laurie Watson [00:21:42]:
It’s an echo chamber. I say it. It comes back to me. That comes back to you, and then it just amplifies the sexual energy, which is so exciting. Okay, so let’s do it the other way, where I come to you with that same sort of energy, and I can’t get the response I’m looking for, and I feel hurt, and I’m going to let you see my hurt this time. I’m not going to criticize you, but I’m going to let you in on what happens, all right?
George Faller [00:22:11]:
And sometimes the timing might not be right. The moment you get rejected, this conversation could happen the next day, too. There’s no timeline for when this conversation happens, but we’re going to do it at the same moment because this is probably the hardest for both people to stay open to each other, but we’re going to try our best.
Laurie Watson [00:22:27]:
Okay. Still coming out of the bathroom.
George Faller [00:22:31]:
Laurie Watson [00:22:34]:
Honey, guess what I’ve been thinking about all day long. I went shopping and I found this. Do you love it?
George Faller [00:22:41]:
Yeah, it looks nice. And I just got to finish this email and we get to hang.
Laurie Watson [00:22:56]:
You know. Joey, finish the email. Just finish the email, sweetheart.
George Faller [00:23:04]:
Two minutes later. All right, emails done. You ready?
Laurie Watson [00:23:08]:
You know, I appreciate the compliment back about this outfit. I gotta say. I feel like crying, and I know this is going to hit you in a big way, and I do have big emotions right now, and I just want to stay open to you and tell you what I’m feeling. I feel so dampened and sad right now for me, shopping for this and wearing this. I was really excited to show you, and I was thinking about you, and I was thinking about making love and having wild sex with you, and maybe we could still do that tonight. I don’t know if I can get there, honestly, but it was like, when I come to you, I’m at a ten in terms of my intensity about this sexual moment, and I kind of got back from you like a two intensity, and I can’t even average that to want to have sex. I feel flat, crest, fallen. Just I don’t know.
Laurie Watson [00:24:18]:
Am I getting through? What are you hearing me say?
George Faller [00:24:21]:
Yeah. I’m trying to not get defensive here and feel so bad because I feel bad that I didn’t kind of show up with a better energy. And I know that does suck. It would suck for me too. So I’m just trying to figure out why what the hell is going on with me, why I didn’t just get up there and start just get all over you. Right. So I appreciate you sharing that and I’m trying to not take it as criticism. You have good reasons if you kind of want to have fun and I don’t show up there for you.
George Faller [00:25:01]:
So I am sorry about that.
Laurie Watson [00:25:03]:
Thank you. And I really appreciate you taking a moment to look inside and think about this with me. I think usually we do get defensive and this is just having this conversation feels like a breakthrough to me. So thank you. This episode is brought to you by Tinder. Tinder is the world’s most popular dating app. And with their new feature called Relationship Goals, you can be transparent about what you’re looking for. It’s as easy as answering a question on your profile so others will know what you want and you’ll know what they want.
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Laurie Watson [00:26:06]:
You need to feel protected. And Uber has our back, for sure. Uber earn like a boss. Sign up to earn firstname.lastname@example.org, boss. You said there’s something that goes on in you. Any sense of what you felt when you saw me come out of the bathroom? Like, was it sexual or was it something else?
George Faller [00:26:29]:
Yeah, I mean, I’m trying to resist. My brain wants to talk about the email, but I do think there’s something about like, when I saw you standing there, you really did look good. There was this part of me that was like, damn, that’s, like, the feeling. It was just like this urge inside of me.
Laurie Watson [00:26:54]:
But, God, I wish I’d heard that. Just when you say, now it’s working, but then there was, like, this distraction to this email and the content of what you were working on that you couldn’t quite switch gears.
George Faller [00:27:08]:
Yeah. And I don’t know, I think maybe there’s a part of me that just really drowns out that feeling when it comes up for me. I don’t know, I’m just kind of trying to be curious here about, like, I did feel this, and it just like I instead went to the email. So I don’t know, I got to think more about it. But I do think this energy that I have, I spend a lot of time trying to push it away.
Laurie Watson [00:27:40]:
Yeah, I need that energy. I love hearing that you have that energy inside, but I get it. There’s something that blocks you from letting it out of you.
George Faller [00:27:51]:
Yeah, maybe I think too much or I’m too cautious. I put all these safeguards in place to not bring that out. But I want to do that differently because I miss that too, that part of me.
Laurie Watson [00:28:07]:
Yeah, because I know that. Yeah, I’m sure you do. Because it’s just the tiny little bit you showed me there is exciting, and I guess I imagine it would excite you too.
George Faller [00:28:23]:
Yeah, I feel more powerful when I could tap into that. I don’t have to think as much. I can just react and respond, and there’s no hesitation. There’s more confidence.
Laurie Watson [00:28:35]:
I know that’s there keep talking, baby.
George Faller [00:28:40]:
Enough of this fucking talking.
Laurie Watson [00:28:45]:
Yeah, I love it. I love it. So there’s a block. So maybe we come out of our role play now. Yeah, I think you’re dead on, George. As you entered that guy’s persona, I see this in sexual male withdrawals that there is underneath it, the caveman energy, the dark energy, the erotic energy, the pulsing, rocking energy. It’s there, but they have blocked it for so many reasons.
George Faller [00:29:15]:
And it’s often the rejection, it’s the message that it’s too much. There’s so many things that accumulate over the years that to touch it and to have to shut it down, it kind of sucks. So they start avoiding that potential threat of being rejected by just not accessing it. So it felt really good for me in that role, to just touch it for a moment. There was a little spark when my visual kind of erotic self got turned on. I didn’t see in that image, but so quickly, there’s such muscle memory to just go back to something else and finish the email. It was interesting.
Laurie Watson [00:29:55]:
It’s kind of safer. I think that as I’ve worked with men, I think that when they are blocked like this, tamping it down creates some sense of safety. It is withdrawal. Right. And we know people withdraw into protection, into safety, to tune down energy. I mean, sometimes in emotions, it’s to tune down angry energy between them and their partner. But maybe sexually, too, it’s also to turn down energy because it feels somewhat out of control. Their body doesn’t feel safe entering and surrendering to that out of control place.
George Faller [00:30:33]:
Control is a good word.
Laurie Watson [00:30:35]:
George Faller [00:30:35]:
So it gives a sense of control. There’s a sense of safety. But we can lose some of that erotic energy when we’re not taking risks, when we’re playing it too safe. And listen, all couples miss each other. Someday it’s just the wrong time or you’re tired. But when this becomes the norm, if you’re listening and you’re saying, you know what, I can’t really tap into my caveman energy, it’s great to be curious about that. What’s blocking that part of you from expressing itself? And it’s beautiful things blocking it. It’s usually love and sacrifice and all this kind of good stuff.
George Faller [00:31:07]:
But I think you’ll have more access to your vitality, to your energy, if you could access this when both of you want it. And I think that’s the key. When both people want this energy, it’s a great place to hang out.
Laurie Watson [00:31:22]:
And thank you for writing to us and sharing this with us. We appreciate your letter. We appreciate your support. And keep it hot. You all keep it rocking. False. No, wait.
George Faller [00:31:36]:
A couple of twists and turns licking. It’s a good one.
Laurie Watson [00:31:42]:
Okay. I would love to invite you. This is women only, but we are having a retreat in Asheville on November 10 through the twelveTH, and it’s going to be a slumber party. And so we’re going to all stay together in the same cabin. It’s a beautiful space, and we’re going to have meals brought in and made, and we know who the chef is, and so it’s going to be wonderful. Maybe drink a little bit of wine, if you’d like to. And we have kind of some talks and time to work together on your sexuality. So the whole goal of this women’s sexuality retreat, the slumber party, is to basically enhance and develop yourself, your erotic self inside.
Laurie Watson [00:32:25]:
So we’re going to be talking about anatomy and physiology and sexual attachment. We’re going to talk through blocks. What stops us? What are the breaks against our sexual expression? And then what are our gas pedals? What are our turn. Ons how do we open up more sexually, like with enhanced sexual pleasure. And we’re going to talk about orgasms and roleplay and using toys and fantasies and some stuff. And each night we’re going to have a pajama party where we just relax and sit around and talk on the deck and hang out together. And then on Sunday morning, we’re going to set our focus and have concrete steps toward sexual engagement with our partners.
George Faller [00:33:05]:
Sounds pretty awesome. Laurie and all the men. Don’t worry about it. Maybe we’ll have like a Spartan camp out somewhere, have a couple of beers and we’ll do our own version of that someday.
Laurie Watson [00:33:17]:
That would be great. So, love to invite you. I will post it on Foreplaysextherapy.com under resources, and there will be the retreat, the scheduling events, and you can link and figure out if you can make it with us on November 10 through the twelveTH in Asheville. Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.
George Faller [00:33:41]:
Laurie we just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witcher. Really practical, moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. We’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough, there’s talk about theories and these global things. I think most therapists are looking for, what do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.
Laurie Watson [00:34:07]:
That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations. Teaching. It really is interactive. And I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.
George Faller [00:34:26]:
No, we try to emphasize the teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas, so we try to teach those and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do and become their own moves.
Laurie Watson [00:34:45]:
Find George and his email@example.com.
Joe Davis – Announcer [00:34:50]:
Call in your questions to the Foreplay Question voicemail dial eight, three three my. Foreplay.
George Faller [00:34:55]:
Joe Davis – Announcer [00:34:56]:
Three, three my the number four play, and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media