You are currently viewing Episode 435: We Need to Talk About Our Sex Life

Episode 435: We Need to Talk About Our Sex Life

Not sure how to have a great conversation about your sex life? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! In this latest edition of our school of love lessons, Laurie and George teach listeners how, when and where to begin this conversation. Starting is often the hardest part and it’s so easy to build up all the ways this could go wrong in your mind. However, the ability to have these sometimes awkward conversations is vital to a lifetime of love. Join us today to learn how to bring up this conversation and the check-in questions partners can ask one another to gauge the status of their sex life. In this conversation, you’ll move beyond how often we are/aren’t knocking boots to understanding needs, depth of connection, intimacy and other factors that make great lovers. A fabulous George and Laurie role play will guide you through and is sure to give any couple a dose of confidence. TLDR; How to gracefully bring up a conversation about your sex life and the four components to cover. Keep it hot y’all!

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Show Notes

Understanding Sexual Withdrawal and Curiosity
– George Faller and Laurie Watson examine the reasons behind sexual withdrawal in relationships.
– Discussion on the hesitancy of sexual pursuers to share fantasies.
Communication Techniques for Better Sex Life
– Laurie Watson talks about the technique of repeating back what is said to slow down conversations.
– The importance of being clear and specific about improving sexual quality in a relationship.
– Watson shares her preference for romance leading into sexual encounters.
The Cycle of Sexual Dynamics
– Analysis of the cycle of initiation and reception in sexual relationships.
– The need to explain and understand the cycle and each partner’s role within it.
Breaking the ‘Death Bed’ Cycle
– Discussion on how to communicate effectively to avoid patterns that lead to a dissatisfying sex life.
– Promoting the teaching model focused on counseling techniques for therapists.
Training and Listener Participation
– Information on training provided by the hosts.
– Invitation for listeners to submit questions for future episodes.
**Segment 7: Frequency vs. Quality of Sex**
– Conversation on the importance of addressing both the frequency and quality of sex in relationships.
– How to start a conversation and provide constructive feedback on sexual experiences.
Regular Sexual Relationship Check-Ins
– Discussing how to establish conversations about the status of the sexual relationship positively.
– The significance of scheduling time for these conversations and checking in regularly.
Embracing Change and Adjustment
– George Faller talks about the body’s need to adapt and change within a sexual relationship.
Conversations for Those with Sexual Withdrawal
– Laurie Watson addresses how partners with sexual withdrawal can approach conversations about intimacy.
Role-Play Example
– George Faller demonstrates how partners might role-play conversations about desires in their sex life.
– Laurie Watson plays a guiding role in the conversation, focusing on exploring and accepting new ideas.


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Laurie Watson [00:01:26]:
Children so school of love, baby. We gotta help people check in on their current sexual situation and see kind of what’s going. And we just want you to be with us as we kind of help you figure out how to talk to your partner about this. Ask some good questions, and we’ll do a little role play.

George Faller [00:01:44]:
Okay, G. I’m showing up. Professor, nice and early. I’m ready for this episode, this class in the school of love.

Laurie Watson [00:01:53]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m doctor Lauriw Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:01:57]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:02:00]:
We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:02:02]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.

Laurie Watson [00:02:10]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right, G?

George Faller [00:02:12]:
Listen and let’s change some relationships.

Laurie Watson [00:02:15]:
So important. I mean, we’ve done now in our school of love episodes, which we’re trying to get through this year recently, an attachment history and an emotional history. And then also in a sexual attachment history, we’ve also talked a little bit about our own cultural history. And now we want people to assess for where they are at currently in their sexual relationship. And this can be a dicey conversation. We’ve said this before, but we’d like you to really prepare your partner so you don’t spring it on them. You know, pick a good time, maybe Saturday morning at the coffee shop or a picnic or something so that you have some privacy, but your partner is ready for this conversation.

George Faller [00:02:57]:
Exactly. And I think we’re going to go over some of the basic four questions that we want you to talk about. But before you can even introduce those questions, you got to introduce the topic. Right. Hey, can I have a. Can we talk about our love life or can we talk about sex? Or, like, it’s really just bringing it up and trying to schedule a conversation, I think could be the hardest part for most couples. What do you think?

Laurie Watson [00:03:19]:
I just want to ask, would you say love life? Is that really how you would say it?

George Faller [00:03:23]:
I do. Some people that are really super conservative couples, like, I will say love life.

Laurie Watson [00:03:28]:
Or, oh, to them, okay.

George Faller [00:03:30]:
To them, okay.

Laurie Watson [00:03:31]:
Yeah, to them, okay. But when you talk about it yourself, you say love life, sweetheart, are we going to talk about our love life now?

George Faller [00:03:40]:
You know, it’s funny, I think makes it easier than sex. Sometimes sex just comes across, especially if you’re the male pursuer sexually and you want to talk about sex, it’s like your partner’s brain’s already like, here we go again. Like, yeah, you want to have more sex. You know, so when you say love life, it just kind of expands the frame a little bit more. You recognize this is part of your love life. This conversation is not just about sex. It’s about kind of how I connect and what makes me feel safe. And how do I make you feel safe? And I recognize you a lot of other things.

George Faller [00:04:16]:
And it’s a bigger context when I use that word.

Laurie Watson [00:04:19]:
Okay, well, I like that. And, you know, I teach you, because sometimes this grown up in queens man uses kind of poetic language.

George Faller [00:04:27]:
So how do you bring it up?

Laurie Watson [00:04:30]:
Well, I think I would probably say I want to talk about, you know, how we’re doing sexually. And I would probably. It might. I would say sex. I wouldn’t say our love life or anything like that. I would be more direct about saying the word sex. But, you know, I talk about sex all day long, so. And I am pretty direct a lot.

George Faller [00:04:53]:
Of times with couples, too. I’m going to use the word intimacy because intimacy is a nice, big concept that includes sex and the romantic part of it, right. That both are really relevant, the emotional cycle and the sexual cycle. But a lot of times people then, like, what do you mean by intimacy and one person’s. You mean sex and the other person’s. No, no, no. You mean, you mean like how we connect closeness.

Laurie Watson [00:05:17]:

George Faller [00:05:18]:
But it’s a good way of starting the conversation so you know your partner, and usually the person who’s bringing this up is the person more motivated to change it and talk about it. Probably more likely the sexual pursuers will talk about, but you really want buy in of the sexual withdrawal to have this conversation. So what words would feel safe for them to not feel pressured to, like, here we go again. Another conversation where I’m going to be told I’m doing it wrong. Right. I want this to feel as an invitation, not an accusation. I think that’s the key towards starting this conversation.

Laurie Watson [00:05:54]:
Yeah, right. And I agree with you. If, you know, if you are traditionally the pursuer and you know the language that’s going to make your partner feel safe. Absolutely. Use that for sure. You want to win. So that’s, that’s a good thing. Good work.

George Faller [00:06:09]:
And I think it reminds you of seeing the bigger picture because we can get so tunnel vision, our own needs that, you know, I really want to talk about sex because that’s what I need more of. But if I come at it through that doorway, I’m probably going to run into the defense of my partner. So if I can change my own language, it reminds me, hey, wait a second. This is really a check in. All couples should do this, not just when they’re in bad states. Celebrate when you’re in good states, but just build into your relationship, you know, steady doses of just talking about your relationship. We’re really trying to maximize and prioritize the importance of this sexual bond. It’s healthy to want to keep kind of checking in on it, you know? I think that’s a mistake people make.

George Faller [00:06:49]:
They only want to bring up sex when there’s problems, right? No, let’s bring in them. How cool would it be for sexual pursuer to say, hey, you know, I want to talk about sex just like we’ve been on a roll and you are amazing. I didn’t think it could be so good. I bet you they’d want to have more of those conversations.

Laurie Watson [00:07:05]:
They would definitely want to have more of those conversations, for sure. So when we talk about it with our partner, I mean, I think most people actually begin with, like, how much sex they’re having, don’t you think? Like, that’s kind of a barometer of, or a measurement of how they’re doing, like, how often we’re having sex, you know, with my clients, that’s the number one thing I hear about, is we’re not having sex often enough or there’s not enough of it, or there’s too much of it. Right. We’re having sex, like, so much. Twice a week. We’re having sex, like, not enough. Like, twice a week only. Right.

George Faller [00:07:43]:
So that’s going to be the first question that we want, you know, partners to ask each other. How are they with the frequency? And it’s typical, like, that discrepancy where one wants it more or less is like, most couples have a disagreement over the frequency, but at least we’re kind of dealing with it, like, you know.

Laurie Watson [00:08:02]:
Yeah, exactly. Okay, so do a demo. How would you begin this conversation with a partner?

George Faller [00:08:08]:
Well, we already started off with, hey, can we take a couple minutes to just check in, see how we’re doing in, you know, the love making department. Right. And you’re okay with that?

Laurie Watson [00:08:18]:
Sure. Sure. We can do that.

George Faller [00:08:20]:
All right. Well, it has been pretty good lately, so I just want to celebrate that. So we started off on a good night place, and, you know, maybe you say, I was listening to this foreplay radio, and they said, you know, couples is part of the check. Should talk about four questions. So the first one they said is, like, how good are you with the amount of sex that we’re having? Do you want more? Do you want less? Is it just right? It’s like the porridge and the three bears. Like, how are you doing with it?

Laurie Watson [00:08:49]:
Goldilocks? Sex.

George Faller [00:08:50]:

Laurie Watson [00:08:51]:
Yeah, I like that. I like that. Well, actually, I think I could stand more sex. I think sometimes it’s, you know, the buildup and all that, you know, trying to get it all just right is. Is too much for me. But I. I like having sex. It makes me feel connected.

Laurie Watson [00:09:12]:
I wouldn’t mind more quickies when you want it. You don’t seem to do that that much. And, you know, I think you’re so cautious with me. You know, this is my guess, so I could. I just like it because it makes me feel connected. It doesn’t always have to be a big deal. I don’t always have to come. I don’t.

Laurie Watson [00:09:30]:
So I probably. I don’t need a whole lot more, but I would kind of like it. You know, I would just feel more connected physically. It would remind me, and I think for me, you know, the times that I really do want to open up and have sex, if we’ve had a couple of cookies in between, I feel much less anxious about really opening up, less anxious about getting naked, all of that. So how did that grab you?

George Faller [00:09:56]:
Bit surprised. I was expecting, like, you were okay with it or, you know, even a little. You wanted a little less. So, I mean, I kind of agree. I think a lot of times I’m hesitant and cautious, and I’m like, she’s probably not in a mood. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. And I probably push it out more than I would rather push it out, but I’m interested in, you kind of want more of it.

George Faller [00:10:19]:
So that’s. That’s kind of cool.

Laurie Watson [00:10:21]:

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Laurie Watson [00:11:18]:
Sometimes I’m not in the mood, but the ask is nice, and I think, I know that there are times that you really want me to be in the mood and to bring that and all of that, and that’s good. I want to do that, too, with you, for you. But I also would like it to be less freighted, you know, less, less heaviness around it. I want it to be light. I want to just, well, let’s pause it.

George Faller [00:11:47]:
Let’s pause here, because we’re slipping into the second question.

Laurie Watson [00:11:50]:
Oh, I just can’t stop. You know, I just can’t stop.

George Faller [00:11:54]:
Open up it. She don’t want to stop talking about it. Right. It’s normal that a lot of times the first question, the frequency leads to the second, which is the quality.

Laurie Watson [00:12:03]:
Like, yeah, that’s good.

George Faller [00:12:05]:
Arguing with the sex that you’re having. And Laura’s just naturally doing that. She’s talking about not wanting this pressure to have more fun, you know, have more quickies. Like, mix it up a little bit. Like, the quality has gotten a bit stale and predictable. Right. And a lot of people fall into these, these patterns. So you know that quality is important.

George Faller [00:12:26]:
This isn’t a critique of your partner. It’s just saying kind of like, where are we at? If we got, like, both of us are really satisfied, we’re probably in a really good place. Celebrate that. If we’re not. We have good reasons, and this is a chance to try to free some of that up, do some little things to kind of give us some movement, some freedom in that area.

Laurie Watson [00:12:44]:
Oh, yeah. And I would say, you know, really great, George, that you broke that down so that our listeners can hear that. But, you know, if. If you do kind of get stuck, we want you to start with frequency and then maybe move into quality. But if your sexual withdrawer moves naturally into quality, don’t go, wait, wait, wait. I need to ask the second question. Just let it roll. Right? Let it roll.

George Faller [00:13:08]:
They’re talking about want more of it. That’s the worst time to interrupt it.

Laurie Watson [00:13:12]:
Don’t interrupt that.

George Faller [00:13:13]:

Laurie Watson [00:13:15]:
Gee, minis, good point.

George Faller [00:13:16]:
Good point. And that, that quality part is really the heart of this conversation because, you know, most people don’t want to be criticized and want to protect their partner and protect themselves, but then they just don’t engage. They just don’t give the information that’s so important to people. Shifting and growing sexual, I mean, we’re not the same person forever. I mean, we need feedback. We know the most successful people embrace feedback and keep adjusting to feedback. Why would it be any different in a bedroom? We’re trying to create an environment that welcomes feedback. We’re changing.

George Faller [00:13:51]:
Our bodies are changing. We’re growing. Like, we need to constantly kind of adjust. That’s not a sign of weakness or failure. That’s a sign of absolute strength.

Laurie Watson [00:14:00]:
Yeah. And I love the energy. Right? Let’s have that conversation. Let’s have more of those conversations. And I’m pretty easy with that conversation. I can imagine that that energy might be a little difficult for a sexual withdrawal who feels like there’s pressure. So again, we want you to make it soft enough and say, hey, you know, maybe for your withdrawal. It’s like, hey, we only have to have this conversation twice a year, but I’d love a spring check in and a fall check in.

Laurie Watson [00:14:27]:
And that makes me feel like we’re thinking about it. Or, you know, so you can maybe offer to your sexual withdrawal kind of enough space for them so that they don’t feel like they’re always going to be hit with this every month or something, you know, just another way to think about it.

George Faller [00:14:43]:
Right? I like that. Thinking about it. Let’s come back and then get into practice. Me and you, Laurie.

Laurie Watson [00:14:50]:
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Laurie Watson [00:18:08]:
My partner Joey. I’m gonna be Janie. You know, how he feels about the quality of the sex. And I’m just gonna pretend I am a little anxious. I am a sexual withdrawer, and I’m gonna play that part. So I’m concerned. Like, I really want to hear, you know, I have an agenda. I want to hear that I’m okay, that he’s happy, but maybe he’s not.

Laurie Watson [00:18:32]:
And I don’t know where he’s at. But I, you know, let’s. Let’s see where this goes. So. So, Joey, I appreciate you bringing up this conversation. You know, I appreciate your drive. It really keeps us connected sexually, and. But I am a little curious, like, you know, how is it for you? Are you happy with what we do in bed and how it goes? Are you.

Laurie Watson [00:18:55]:
You happy with kind of the, like, how it feels when we make love? What. What, um. What are you feeling about that?

George Faller [00:19:04]:
I mean, I think overall, I’m. I’m happy. I’m still very attracted to you. Uh, you know, I think, yay.

Laurie Watson [00:19:10]:
That that’s.

George Faller [00:19:12]:
I think, for me, the most important thing. I mean, I think I get frustrated at times because, you know, you’re not in a mood. And, like, sometimes I know I bring pressure into the bedroom, and I know that does things, but, you know, I would like to see us kind of have a little bit more fun and mix it up and do some things differently. I think that would be cool. But I think overall, I’m, you know, I’m really happy with our sex life.

Laurie Watson [00:19:36]:
That’s good to hear. So you’re really happy with our sex life. You’re attracted to me and you would like a little, mixing it up a little bit more variety, is that what you’re saying? Like doing different things when we’re actually doing it?

George Faller [00:19:52]:
Yeah. I mean, you were talking earlier. I mean, I like a quickie sometimes, too. And then I like some date nights where it could be a little bit more planned and just kind of, we could roleplay or do some fun things that we normally don’t do. It seems like, you know, we just never really have enough time to. To kind of play or do anything different. We fall into these kind of just same pattern all the time.

Laurie Watson [00:20:17]:
Yeah. So, okay, so I want to make sure I’m hearing you. So you like my idea about quickies and no pressure kinds of moments just to stay connected. You also would like sort of those date night, more romantic times where we try something maybe a little more daring, maybe role play, like imagining things, doing different things. Could you tell me, like, so you don’t have to tell me this, Joey, right now, but I would probably want to take that conversation into that direction so that I know exactly what he means. Like, yeah, because I’m assessing my own level of kind of risk and my own level of commitment here to what he’s interested in. And so that would be my next question in terms of the quality. Like, okay, I don’t know if you’d feel comfortable, but could you kind of name some of those things so that I know what you’re thinking about and then I’ll react to them and tell you kind of how I feel about that.

George Faller [00:21:21]:
Right. Anyway, sexual withdrawal is engaging here and showing curiosity. We want to give as much space as possible. But for some of you, the sexual withdrawal is just going to be like, oh, that’s good, and not want to engage a lot in this conversation. And some people think the quality isn’t great and they’re going to have to deal with sharing the struggles of that, and you know that. So this conversation can go a lot of different directions, but you’re starting the process. You’re putting things on the table to start trying to have a more thorough assessment of where you need to go. So how would you answer that question? So now, okay, wait, wait.

Laurie Watson [00:21:59]:
I want to just say one part here, too, as well. I want people to listen. One of the things that I do consistently is, I repeat back what he’s saying. So that helps organize his thinking. It helps organize my mind. It keeps the conversation slow enough so that I don’t get escalated. So I know what we’re talking about. And I’m kind of saying, yeah, we agree here.

Laurie Watson [00:22:22]:
We agree here. This little piece here. I don’t know if we agree because I really don’t know what it is. And so then I’m going to need more. And you can see kind of even the sexual pursuer, he’s suggesting things, oh, I want a little variety. I want a little role play. But he’s not really saying yet what he wants. So I know sexual pursuers, right, that they’re reluctant to put forward their own fantasies and thoughts sometimes because they don’t want to trigger their partner.

Laurie Watson [00:22:50]:
But we gotta kinda go there so that the partner does know how to react to it. And it’s safer to do it in a conversation than it is to do it. Probably a moment in bed where you could blow the whole sexual moment, don’t you think?

George Faller [00:23:08]:
Absolutely. And we’re going to go over the next episode how to get more detailed and specific. Right.

Laurie Watson [00:23:16]:

George Faller [00:23:16]:
Right now we’re just trying to, if you, if you’re willing to go into more specifics on what would make the quality better, that’s going to lead us into the next one, the motivation. But I want to know, like, so if I bring that up to you. All right. Thank you. You know, I am overall satisfied. How about you? I mean, how good are you with our sex life?

Laurie Watson [00:23:35]:
Yeah, I like a lot of things. Still attracted to you too. I attracted on many levels. Like your mind, your body, the way you smell, the way you move. All of that is really good for me. So I. I never want you to worry about that when I say no, that I’m not interested. It’s not you.

George Faller [00:24:01]:
I somehow want to stop talking. Let’s just get to action. This sounds good to me.

Laurie Watson [00:24:07]:
Joey. Hold on to yourself. Jamin. He’s okay. So I think quality. So first of all, I’m a sexual withdrawer. And most sexual withdrawers don’t quantify and qualify things. That’s just not how their brain thinks.

Laurie Watson [00:24:28]:
So I I don’t think a lot about how to make it better. I don’t think a lot about whether or not it’s good or not. I kind of enjoy it in the moment. But if you’re asking me maybe more what I want, I mean, I think when you describe those date night moments that are romantic and we have time, like for me, when I have your attention all evening and we go out for a couple of drinks and we have dinner and we’re laughing together and, you know, then I just feel this bond between us, and it makes sex flow really well out of that. So I like those times a lot. I don’t have to have them every, like I said, every single time. But I probably. I kind of, you know, I’m a woman.

Laurie Watson [00:25:18]:
I imagine romantic things. You know, I imagine instead of going home, you say, hey, you know, we got a hotel reservation instead or something that gives us even more space away from the children and all of that. Or I imagine some setup sometimes that we come home, like candles, draw a bath, get in the bath together. Then we come out and we’re warm and, you know, maybe had wine in the bath or something and a little drunk, and then we have wild sex or something. That, to me, is kind of my fantasy of where it goes.

George Faller [00:25:52]:
That sounds pretty good to me. So you can see Laurie as Janie gets into that curiosity around quality that maybe she might not talk often about as a sexual mature. It leads us to the third question, and we recognize these questions bleed into each other, like the frequency, the quality. The third one is your motivation. Like, are you motivated to change or to work on anything? Right. So you can see as she’s talking about the quality and kind of what she’s wanting. When you’re talking about wants and longings, that’s going into the motivation. Some people are so blocked because of the pressure and negativity, it’s hard for them to access that they just don’t want to fight.

George Faller [00:26:33]:
They just don’t want it to end badly. It’s harder for them to put words to it. But when you could put both, people can put words to what they want, it’s a lot easier to start hitting those targets.

Laurie Watson [00:26:44]:

George Faller [00:26:45]:
So I think both of us were saying that inequality, that it’s good, but there are things we’d want better. What we want better is that kind of that motivation for change? So we’re both wanting a little bit more kind of romance, a little bit more date night, longer fun, a little bit more experimentation, a little bit more quickies, like just mixing it up instead of the same routine that we’re going to be falling.

Laurie Watson [00:27:10]:
So how would you ask a question about, are you motivated? You’re assessing, trying to figure out, is the person flexible and willing to change and motivated to kind of work on this? Is that what you’re saying?

George Faller [00:27:24]:
Yeah. So I think in our conversation, I would be, you know, this is kind of exciting for me that, you know, that you’re. You’re engaging, you, you know, you want more sex, you would want the quality be better. It seems to me that you’re motivated, it often feels like you’re not, because I’m the one pushing this all the time. But, I mean, I guess what I’m hearing, correct me if I’m wrong, that, like, you do want things to change a little bit or to be better at something that’s important to you. Am I getting that right?

Laurie Watson [00:27:54]:
Yeah. I’m not wildly critical of what we’ve got, but I could certainly see rooms for us to make it even better. So, yeah, I like that. Maybe I don’t. Maybe what you’re asking is, like, am I motivated to tell you what I want so that you can make those adjustments? And that’s kind of a hard place for me, like, to bring it up and to talk about it. I certainly don’t want you to feel criticized. And, I mean, I don’t know. Yeah, I kind of think about things and stuff.

Laurie Watson [00:28:34]:
I guess what you’re saying is, would I be motivated enough to tell you about those things? I don’t understand. Motivation. I understand.

George Faller [00:28:43]:
Again, it’s just a willingness to want things to change instead of a reluctance to want to have conversations or to kind of look or face some of these things. So I’m picking up your openness. I mean, this leads us to the last one, which is like, can you see the bigger picture of the cycle that’s developing between people sexually? Like, I’m in the role of the person who’s pushing and always initiating. I push for sexual contact. I push to talk about sex. You’re often in the role of that withdrawer that, you know, doesn’t have the desire because you’re more receptive. And, you know, oftentimes you’re put in a position of having sex even if you’re not in a mood to have sex. Right.

George Faller [00:29:28]:
And that that does something over time that that creates these cycles. So really trying to get a couple in that first assessment to try to name that cycle, like, what position do both of them take and start to see the bigger picture. Like, that cycle has a life of its own. It’s bigger than just Laurie not wanting to have sex or me pushing to have sex. It creates a bigger feedback loop that we’re really trying to help couples start to explain that cycle when it’s not working instead of blaming each other. That’s the last question, really trying to say. I’m starting to see my part, Laurie, in the pressure I bring to you when I push. It’s not as simple as I just want to have sex.

George Faller [00:30:14]:
I express it in a way that’s that’s, you know, put you in a tough spot, and I really want to work on that. Right. I want to invite you instead of kind of pressuring you.

Laurie Watson [00:30:24]:

George Faller [00:30:25]:
I want to learn how to do that.

Laurie Watson [00:30:28]:
Janie, you said Laurie, so, yeah, I mean, sometimes there’s pressure on me. I think that my withdrawal, what I’m hearing today is that you actually. You want my ideas. And so if I gave you my ideas, that would be a way for me to sort of come forward a little bit, just like I did today, telling you, even the little bit that I told you is good. And I think. I don’t think to do that, but it sounds like that would make you happy, and that would kind of loosen things up for you as the pursuer, always feeling the burden to push us. Am I right about that?

George Faller [00:31:07]:
Yes. That’s. I mean, even if we don’t have sex, I feel like if we’re talking about it, we’re still understanding it, we’re still figuring out what we need to do differently. Like, we’re still kind of making progress when we can’t even talk about it and we’re not having sex. That’s where I start to feel hopeless, and then I know when I’m in that place, I’m sending some really bad signals to you, and then, like, we’re sinking. And it is helpful for me now to start seeing that, that cycle. Maybe we should come up with a name for it, like, when it starts to take us over. What do you think, Laurie?

Laurie Watson [00:31:38]:
I like that. I like that. You got any good names for this?

George Faller [00:31:42]:
It feels like the deathbed.

Laurie Watson [00:31:45]:
The death what?

George Faller [00:31:46]:
The death bed. It feels like deathbed. I don’t know if that’s gloomy, but that’s what it feels like to be okay.

Laurie Watson [00:31:55]:
Yeah. And it’s important for me to hear just how, like, you know, wow, that’s. That’s a really big term, you know? And I guess as we’ve been talking, I haven’t quite felt it as much as a deathbed, but you do, and so that’s. That’s good for me to hear that. That kind of label for you is good. So I I appreciate that. I I just want you to know I’m willing to work on this deathbed with you so that we don’t go there. So it doesn’t.

Laurie Watson [00:32:23]:
We don’t. We don’t want to die in our sex. I don’t want to die with you.

George Faller [00:32:27]:
Pull it out of this. This is good. Again, we’re just trying to help couples start this conversation. We want to thank Sue Johnson and Mike Moran because these four questions are based on their simple assessment. Those basic four questions, you know, how often, what’s the frequency, what’s the quality of the sex that you’re having? Are you motivated to work on it? And what’s these cycles of patterns that you kind of fall in when it’s working or not working? That bigger picture really helps people start working together instead of just kind of blaming their partner.

Laurie Watson [00:32:58]:
Right. And in functioning together, we’re asking you to sort of have a conversation that takes a snapshot of the two of you right now in your sex life, and we want to just give you these tools to do it on. So thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:33:12]:
Keep it hot, y’all.

Laurie Watson [00:33:14]:
Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.

George Faller [00:33:20]:

George Faller [00:33:21]:
We just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witcher, really practical, moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. And we’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough. There’s talk about theories and these global things I think most therapists are looking for. What do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.

Laurie Watson [00:33:46]:
That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations, teaching. It really is interactive, and I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.

George Faller [00:34:06]:
No, we try to emphasize the teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas. So, so we try to teach those, and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do is become their own moves.

Laurie Watson [00:34:24]:
Find George and his

Joe Davis – Announcer [00:34:27]:
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George Faller [00:34:37]:

Joe Davis – Announcer [00:34:37]:
Play. And well, use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay media.

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