You are currently viewing Episode 450: Responder to Seducer

Episode 450: Responder to Seducer

 In this emotionally enriching episode of “Foreplay Sex Therapy,” hosts Dr. Laurie Watson and George Faller dive deep into the dynamics of intimacy and role reversals within relationships. They explore the transition from being a responsive partner to taking the lead as a seducer. Dr. Watson shares her thoughts on relaxation techniques that can ease the path to intimacy, while George emphasizes the importance of pushing oneself despite obstacles. Together, they underline the significance of consent and communication, offering tips on how to keep the spark alive through mutual efforts and understanding.

Packed with practical advice, real-life anecdotes, and expert insights, this episode invites you to rethink your approaches to intimacy, emphasizing empathy, mutual support, and adaptability. Don’t miss out on this comprehensive guide to becoming a more energetic and engaged partner, while enriching the emotional and physical connection with your significant other.

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Show Notes

Relaxation and Intimacy Preparation:

  • Dr. Laurie Watson suggests taking a bath to relax and destress, potentially leading to intimacy.
  • George Faller emphasizes pushing oneself as a responsive partner while acknowledging obstacles.

Consent and Energetic Engagement:

  • The hosts stress the importance of consent and not forcing oneself into intimacy.
  • Suggestions for becoming more energetic and engaged include exercise and de-stressing rituals.

Strategies for Sexual Pursuers:

  • Tips for calming down pursuer impulses and focusing on mutual success in initiating intimacy.
  • Encouragement for responsive individuals to share their erotic energy even if immediate intimacy isn’t feasible.

Appreciation and Positive Outlook:

  • Emphasizing the importance of appreciating partner efforts to prevent feelings of rejection.
  • Highlighting the necessity of role reversal and allowing space for partner approaches to intimacy.

Transcript

Ad Announcer [00:00:00]:
Hey, everyone, it’s Chris Frangola, and I’m the host of your new favorite podcast, Cover to Cover. Each week on Cover to Cover, I scour the world’s newspapers to bring you the craziest stories in fashion, music, pop culture, food, you name it. We give you the comedy angle on all of it. If this sounds up your alley, listen to Cover to Cover on the iHeart app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The following content is not suitable for children.

George Faller [00:00:36]:
Let’s get excited about some role reversal here. Laurie. All you initiate is time to be responsive. And responders. Your time to initiate. Let’s do it.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:00:40]:
Let’s do it. Let’s have a summer break and talk about some more sexy things. We’ve been in school for all year, and we are thinking, you know, we want to spice it up. So let’s have a role reversal. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m doctor Lori Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:01:02]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:05]:
We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:01:07]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:15]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right, G?

George Faller [00:01:17]:
Listen, and let’s change some relationships. Sad day, Laurie. A legend in the field, has passed us. Doctor Ruth.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:25]:
Doctor Ruth. She was so amazing. You know, she was way ahead of her time. She really made talking about sex easy and made people comfortable. You know, this taboo subject that maybe was talked about in salacious ways or joking ways. She talked about it in a way that, you know, it became dinner table talk, and she brought it. She really was a pioneer.

George Faller [00:01:52]:
Who would have thought she’d be the deliverer, this new message of openness to sex, right? This little powerhouse with an accent. She was quite the character.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:03]:
Yeah, exactly. She was a survivor. She survived Nazi Germany. She was sent to Switzerland as a child on the kinder train. You know, she grew up, she fought for Israel. She came and immigrated to America. And later on in her life, really, she discovered sex therapy and said, this is it, and basically brought it home to America so that everybody could feel a little more comfortable talking about this. And her whole goal was just to make people happy.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:35]:
But she was, she had morals. I mean, she was actually in support of monogamy, but she didn’t shame people no matter what their values were. She just said, you know, we got to keep talking about it. We should have had her on as a guest.

George Faller [00:02:48]:
I know.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:49]:
And she worked, George until, I mean, into her nineties. She did a documentary when she was in her nineties, she was keen, and, I mean, really worked hard all her life.

George Faller [00:03:01]:
Right?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:01]:
So thank you, Doctor Ruth, for everything that you have given us. Beginning to help us as Americans talk about sex. Thank you so much for your work.

George Faller [00:03:11]:
And hopefully we are doing her proud by continuing her mission. Right. Which is just to help people become a little bit more comfortable, because this is so damn important. And she knew that, and that’s why she swam upstream and fought against people who didn’t want to hear what she had to say. And, you know, she’s truly a great woman.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:28]:
Absolutely. Thank you, Dr. Ruth.

George Faller [00:03:31]:
All right, so we are going to take a break for a summer from all this heady relationship, deep vulnerability stuff and have some sexy spicing it up. So what better way?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:44]:
I think that people need to do this, too. You know, they work really hard on their relationship, and sometimes they just need to be. They need to have sex. They need to have some fun. And I think it’s summer. We’re all hot. And especially in the south here, my gosh, hot and humid. Hot, and not a good way.

George Faller [00:04:06]:
Some are loving, having some fun. It’s that time of year, Lori, to just kind of let your head down and just relax a little bit. We all work so damn hard.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:04:17]:
Sing some more for us. Yeah, baby. Okay, so we’re going to talk about if you are typically maybe just the sexual responder, you know, how you might want to initiate and give you some tips on how to do that. And George and I will try to role play this and see what happens.

George Faller [00:04:40]:
Yeah, we do know mixing it up, introducing some new neural pathways is good for relationships. We all can get into ruts and fall into, you know, the status quo. And this is a good way to be more intentional. Right? To just think about, hey, I tend to start off being responsive. It’s the way I naturally want to kind of feel safe in the world, and I kind of follow someone else’s lead. But that’s not my only destiny or who I’m always going to be. I can be someone else some of the time, and this is a chance for us to expand it, to stretch. So that’s the spirit of what we’re inviting you all to do.

George Faller [00:05:14]:
We know you could always go back, respond this to being responsive. That might be your natural default setting, but you can mix it up sometimes, too.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:05:22]:
Yeah.

George Faller [00:05:23]:
So what do you think, Laurie? What can they do a little bit differently, these responses to initiate?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:05:29]:
Yeah. You know, I think if you are typically responsive, I mean, you may also be shy. I talked to somebody recently who was just generally shy. They didn’t grow up talking about sex, they didn’t grow up with friends that talked about sex. And, you know, the whole thing just felt like, oof, this is very private. And they actually really enjoyed sex, though. That was the cool part, you know, loved it. But the thought of being the one to suggest it, they were like, oh, I don’t know if my partner is going to like it and the partner is sitting there, I would like it.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:04]:
I would like it a whole lot. But they really were insecure about that. They didn’t know and they didn’t know how. I mean, just the thought of initiating it was just out of the box. So a couple of things I think, you know, there’s typically two ways, you know, we might verbally do it. We might touch our partner. I think you could probably show your partner something too, and that might be a big turn on the little dance in front of the mirror, you know, that men seem to do flex their biceps. All that hoping that their partner will go, oh, this is sexy time.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:41]:
This is great.

George Faller [00:06:43]:
You know, all our sexual initiatives are loving this podcast. They’re like, yeah, baby, come on, figure out some ways you can initiate, right? But I do think even the lady you’re talking about, right? That’s, it’s the intentionality, it’s, you got to be deliberate. This is deliberate practice. It’s like, I want to initiate. I know that’s hard. I know it’s outside the box, but even that you’re thinking about it is already that first step, that saying, you know what? What would this look like? Do I surprise my partner? Maybe I don’t like surprises because that’s too much pressure. But maybe I need to plan it. Maybe I need to say, hey, 08:00, be ready, because 08:00 I’m laying on that bed.

George Faller [00:07:23]:
That’s you initiating, right? You could, you don’t have to get up and dance. You could just say, hey, this is the time. I’m the one who’s going to proactively make the time instead of you making the time.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:07:34]:
Yeah. So that’s a good way, right? 08:00, be ready. I’m going to be laying on that bed. That’s plenty right there.

George Faller [00:07:43]:
I think the easiest one for responsive people is to initiate scheduling. It’s the schedule that is. I was working with a couple the other day and the responsive partner said, yeah, I know we’re going to go out date night on Friday night, but instead of coming home and making love on the bed. I want to make love on the couch. And the initiative spray went boom. It was like, oh, you like this was amazing. Just to move it from the bed to the couch was, like, you know, so sexy, so, so much good energy. And that’s all it takes.

George Faller [00:08:15]:
Just introduce something new. You don’t even have to introduce the sexual act. It’s any kind of initiation. I think we get. We limit initiation to just the act itself. Like, there’s a million things during the act or before the act or after the act that you can initiate, and that all starts to tap into that energy that gives us more flexibility and balance, so.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:37]:
Yeah, I like that, too. Right. It’s not necessarily just initiating the beginning of sex. It could be initiating something that you’ve wanted to try during sex. Like, hey, how about we try this new thing that I’ve read about or heard about on a podcast?

George Faller [00:08:54]:
Spank me, baby.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:56]:
Or how about if we, at the end of making love, we get out of bed, and we sit on the carpet, and we just look at each other’s eyes? I don’t know. You know, I mean, anything, right? Just. It would be exciting to have your partner have their focus on the sexual moment.

George Faller [00:09:14]:
All initiate and mean is you’re bringing in something new. You’re the one that’s taking the lead to try something new. Isn’t that cool?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:09:23]:
Mm hmm.

George Faller [00:09:24]:
So let’s play with it. Laurie, how can we? You want to be the responsive person? Do you want me to be the responsive person who’s going to role reverse here?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:09:35]:
Role reverse? Yeah, either one. What do you want to do? Says the responsive person. I don’t know. I don’t know.

George Faller [00:09:47]:
Well, we’re both sexual initiators, so who wants to be the responsive one? Who plays the initiative? I will do that.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:09:58]:
You know, I think, though, right, like, when you’re a pursuer thinking about being responsive, ooh, that’s hard because you give up a lot of agency. You give up a lot of agency when you’re just a responsive person, in my experience. Okay, so you’re the responder.

George Faller [00:10:16]:
I’ll be the responder.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:10:17]:
Okay, so now you’re going to initiate?

George Faller [00:10:20]:
I’m going to initiate.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:10:22]:
Okay, so you’re Joey and I’m Janie.

George Faller [00:10:24]:
Yep.

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George Faller [00:13:06]:
I’m stuck already. Which is what’s going to happen to so many of you, right? It’s like, it sounds good in theory until you try to practice it, then your brain goes, stop. You know, just wait. Play it safe. Let’s see what happens. So again, the responsive part is beautiful. You know, it’s amazing that you can allow your body to just follow someone else’s lead. And, you know, we’re just trying to get you to tap into the part of you that says, wait, I can take the lead on some of these things.

George Faller [00:13:32]:
So, you know, Janie, I was thinking, I know a lot of times you think, I don’t think about sex, but it is on my brain, you know? And normally when I think about something, I just don’t share it. So I just wanna let you in that. As you were walking out of the house today, I was saying, damn, she looks good. Like, I felt a little. That excitement. That was like, I wish we had a little bit extra time. It wasn’t late to work, and we could just kind of be together in a way we haven’t been in a while.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:14:08]:
Wow. Wow, goshen. Gosh, that’s really nice. I’ve been working out, you know. Yeah, that feels really good.

George Faller [00:14:22]:
And it’s showing in those spandex you were wearing. So I don’t know why you’re going to work in spandex. Maybe you’re going to gym first.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:14:33]:
Well, thank you. I so appreciate you noticing that and saying something about that. That’s. That’s really nice. Can we have sex now?

George Faller [00:14:45]:
Don’t ruin it. Just enjoy the compliment.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:14:50]:
Okay. Okay. I’m just taking that in. That feels good. Because I think sometimes when, you know, when we get in it and stuff, I’m not sure if you’re attracted to me. So that’s really nice.

George Faller [00:15:03]:
Let’s pause and process that, because.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:15:07]:
So the pursuer in me wants to complain, though. It was a lovely compliment. But then you didn’t initiate sex. That’s what the little pursuer in me says.

George Faller [00:15:16]:
Yeah, I mean, this is part of working with the pursuer to calm their jets, right. And kind of make sure they focus on the mission here, which is to give success if this responsive person is going to initiate. Nice form of initiate initiation when you could introduce thinking about sex that almost never happens to the responsive person, right? So for me, initiating, thinking about it and just wasn’t the right time to act on it. Like, that’s me tapping into my erotic energy and sharing it with my partner, you know? And. Yes, and ideally, if I share that, I also then would be open to being intimate, which is what you’re looking for. But maybe it’s not the right time of day because the kids are coming home and two minutes off the school bus. But I still want to let you into my erotic energy. That’s the initiation that there’s a lot of opportunities for that receptive people don’t recognize.

George Faller [00:16:07]:
But yes, if you’re the sexual pursuer, you gotta. You really gotta stay on mission and say, if this person’s gonna do a new move, I can’t make this about me. And, you know, and me wanting it and not getting it in a rejection. This is a time to be able to stay with the positive, say, thank you. You don’t normally do that. And you want to give me success for that.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:16:28]:
That’s good. Yeah. Okay. So I would agree with you. I mean, I think even as a sexual pursuer, having your partner say, like, hey, I thought about doing it. That’s still really good news. But I also know a sexual pursuer would probably say, but I want it to take. To take it to the next step.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:16:53]:
So I want to know, I get it that it might not be quite as much as you’re looking for. And these are the, you know, we’re building. We’re building on what the person can give us. So we want, like you said, george, to give them a lot of success and to be grateful and appreciative for them opening up their sexual mind to us.

George Faller [00:17:15]:
I find so many of my couples are finding it more and more helpful to focus on the mission, to really know who’s the person taking a risk, to really keep the focus on them having success. Right. A lot of times, one person’s risk really isn’t enough for the other person. But if you make it about it not being enough for you, you’ve changed the mission. And then you give the person who took the risk a sense of failure. We all come up short in this area. We all get triggered, but it’s just a good goal. And even if you fall short when it’s happening, afterwards, you can say, you know what? I’m sorry.

George Faller [00:17:47]:
I’m sorry, Joey. You took that risk and you started to talk about thinking about things you never usually share. And I just. I was still hoping to have sex right then. And that got in the way of me kind of acknowledging what you did differently. Never too late to repair it.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:18:01]:
Yeah.

George Faller [00:18:02]:
If you’re clear on what the mission is. So. But there is a lot to be said for the role reversal on the other side. Right? These initiators, these pursuers taking a seat, step backwards. So let’s talk about that when we come back.

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Uberlube.com/foreplay. Get your 10% off. I’m telling you, it is skin friendly. It is quality. It is my favorite. George, we gotta help the sexual pursuer. The traditional sexual pursuer kind of know what they’re going to do to be in that responsive place. Like, how do you become a good responder when your partner offers you something? And I think there’s a few things to guard against.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:21:00]:
George, we gotta help the sexual pursuer. The traditional sexual pursuer kind of know what they’re going to do to be in that responsive place. Like, how do you become a good responder when your partner offers you something? And I think there’s a few things to guard against. Right? Because we don’t want them necessarily to ante up. We don’t want them to go, okay, you gave me that. Now let’s do this. And let’s do this. Because then the person who traditionally is responsive and offering something, it’s like, I didn’t do it well enough. I didn’t do enough. And they’ll be discouraged. So maybe what we want to do is help the pursuer.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:21:22]:
Like, how do you accept what is given and be happy about it and maybe use the building for a little bit later another day?

George Faller [00:21:34]:
I don’t think we’ve talked much about this, and I don’t know if it’s about lowering expectations or just changing your mindset, but to be able to say, hey, I don’t want to put that pressure on my partner. I want to see if I give my partner the space to come forward. So to do that, I have to become more okay with just letting it flow, letting it see if I don’t have to drive it. I mean, it’s letting go of control, right. I mean, there’s a lot of power in trying to make these things happen and trying to kind of, you know, leave hints and to push and, like, how do we help those initiatives kind of back off of that, to be able to give the space that maybe the partner needs, which might be a hard thing to do.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:20]:
Yeah, would definitely be a hard thing to do.

George Faller [00:22:24]:
So let’s think about, since we’re both tend to be more sexual initiatives or pursuers, let’s take our own advice. What can we do? Laurie here.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:32]:
I think one thing is to let it happen. I know that in the past, and I hear this from sexual pursuers a lot, when their partner finally does move forward, there’s this reluctance to take them up on it. It’s like, well, day late, dollar short, buddy. You somehow or another didn’t do this soon enough. I can’t trust this. I kind of feel angry that you didn’t do it sooner. For whatever reason, as soon as it comes our way, the good things, there’s kind of this old stuff that is resentment that builds up, and that mood and those feelings can kind of wipe out our partners efforts. Do you know what I’m talking about, George?

George Faller [00:23:22]:
Yeah. I think it’s, we want to discharge some of that funky energy, right? Being ready for it. I think that’s part of the intentionality. If I’m saying, hey, for the next week, I’m taking sex off the table, I’m not going to push for it. And I’m just, if an opportunity comes, I’m going to try to get excited about that. And, you know, I don’t know what it’s like to be receptive. I’m always driving this thing. I want to learn who I am as a receptive, receptive being.

George Faller [00:23:47]:
I want to know what it’s more like for my partner. You know, does it put pressure on me when you’re not ready for it. You know, do I pleasantly get surprised? Like, I don’t know who I am in that area. So that’s what I’m trying to get curious about myself.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:24:00]:
Yeah. And I think that is so true that when you are the pursuer, you are ready for it. You’re always thinking about it, or you’re thinking about it when you’re ready for it, and then when your partner asks you and you haven’t thought about it or you haven’t prepared for it, it’s like suddenly the time may not be right and you got to go, oh, I got to. I got to respond right here.

George Faller [00:24:28]:
Yeah.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:24:28]:
You know, right when maybe it’s not the best moment.

George Faller [00:24:33]:
I’ll never forget when my wife, who wanted to get pregnant, that it was, like, on demand sex, and she would just say, hey, I’m Avali, and let’s go. And I was like, whoa. I didn’t see it coming. Like, that was my chance to be responsive, and it was hard because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t a. You know. So it was always a good moment for me to recognize what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes.

George Faller [00:24:57]:
So I think there’s something important about that of me recognizing there is a gift in initiating, especially as a man with testosterone. I mean, it’s like you’re ready to go when you’re started, and, you know, sometimes you start to pathologize the person who’s more receptive, and what they’re doing is pretty hard. Right. To try to get your body to shift when you’re not expecting it. So when I start to tap into that, you know, I did have a couple where the one initiative said, all right, for the next week, I’m taking sex off the table, and I want to know what it’s like for you to not know when it’s coming and, you know, and how your body responds to it. And I think in this example, the husband really had a much greater appreciation for. It can be challenging to be the one responsive all the time.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:25:49]:
Yeah. Oh, definitely. I mean, I would say, you know, we are actually pretty balanced now in terms of our initiation. My husband initiates as often as I do, which I really, really love, but I do find every once in a while, you know, it’s like, oh, you know. Cause he’s. He’s often more ready at night now. And I used to be a night person, but I have found my energy waning. And so, you know, I’m more of a morning person, which is a total role reversal for us.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:26:23]:
But, you know, it’s like he’s ready at night and I’m just like, dead tired. It’s like, ooh, you know, what do we do? So I would say one thing is, you know, to find a way to say yes when you know. But maybe with a modification. It’s like, I can’t do the swing tonight. I can do other things, you know.

George Faller [00:26:50]:
It’S a vibrator night.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:26:52]:
It’s a vibrator night for sure.

George Faller [00:26:57]:
No, I like that. I like the idea of mixing it up too. Around times. If you’re an early person, your partner’s a night person, and you fall into that routine, like, reverse roles. If I’m receptive and I don’t want to have sex, typically at night because I’m tired, how do I find myself wanting to be responsive to that even if I’m not in the mood to kind of see what that’s like, to see if I can get in the mood to just tell my brain that there’s more to me than just this person who wants morning sex. I think that’s a cool thing about being receptive, is you start recognizing there’s more openings than typically initiate a sees.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:36]:
So true. I mean, an initiator will see several times a day that they could have had sex. Right? And a responsive person, not so much.

George Faller [00:27:47]:
So let’s role play this.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:48]:
Okay.

George Faller [00:27:49]:
You’ll be the initiator who likes sex in the morning.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:53]:
Okay.

George Faller [00:27:54]:
Do you don’t like it at night? Cause you. You’re tired and you get older and you like your sleep.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:00]:
Oh, shut up.

George Faller [00:28:01]:
I’ve said it is JD, right? I’m gonna say JD here. Shut up, Joey.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:06]:
Shut up.

George Faller [00:28:08]:
Got a little bit more vibrant energy in aggressive.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:11]:
That’s passive aggressive talking from a guy.

George Faller [00:28:14]:
Who goes to bed about Monica lock. So it’s, I need my beauty sleep. But if you want to roll reverse, I will be the person who’s. Well, let’s stick with this grip. You’re going to be. So I’m going to be the receptive person who’s going to initiate at night because it’s a little bit better, easier for me to do that at night. And we want the responsive people who are initiating to give themselves the best chance for success. So that would make sense why I’m going to do that.

George Faller [00:28:46]:
But you’re the more responsive person who might typically say no. Cause you’re not in a mood, but you gotta dig a little deep.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:53]:
Okay, so typically, I’m who am I originally?

George Faller [00:28:59]:
You’re the initiator.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:01]:
I’m the initiator.

George Faller [00:29:02]:
I initiate sex all the time. And ideally, you like to do that in the morning or, you know, a nice start.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:08]:
My day. I like my day started out right.

George Faller [00:29:10]:
The best is the afternoon. Little kind of timeouts where you could kind of squeeze in that time.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:16]:
A nap followed by sex.

George Faller [00:29:18]:
Oh, there you go.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:19]:
Okay.

George Faller [00:29:19]:
But sex at night, you know, you get a little sleepy. That’s not usually your cup of tea.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:24]:
It’s not sleepy. It’s tired.

George Faller [00:29:26]:
Exhausted.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:28]:
You’re the. You’re the person, as I recall, that I said that you don’t like sex when you’re sleepy. Okay, let’s go. You be Joey.

George Faller [00:29:35]:
All right, Joey, here we go. You know, I know we normally don’t have sex at night because the routine we fall into, but I was just wanted to let you know, I’m. I don’t know, I’m feeling a bit in the mood tonight. What do you think?

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:56]:
Okay. Okay, wait. Let’s see. Well, you know, that’s interesting. First of all, I got to say, I love that you’re telling me. That’s nice. Very nice. That wine got to you.

George Faller [00:30:20]:
I do like a glass of wine.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:21]:
I love that. I’m really tired, but I think if we start, maybe we could go take a bath and I’ll relax de stress a little bit and, you know, then we could go from there. I’d love that.

George Faller [00:30:38]:
That sounds good.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:41]:
Yeah.

George Faller [00:30:42]:
So let me run the water for you.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:44]:
Oh, put some rose petals in. Yeah, I think, right? Anytime we’re responding at a point that we’re not quite ready, but we, you know, there’s a. There’s a little bit of hope. Maybe we can just shape the experience enough so that we have what we need. You know? I mean, if. If you’re sleepy and your partner wants sex, I mean, for heaven’s sakes, go jogging place or something, right? Wake yourself up, for damn sake.

George Faller [00:31:18]:
I like that tension in that moment where you were like, well, I am tired. You acknowledge. But then you decided to push yourself, which is what responsive people have to do, right? And you tapped into that part of yourself. You recognize what it’s like to have to overcome an obstacle, you know, in the bedroom here. And so I kind of liked that. I liked how you tapped into that.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:31:40]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you’re right. You have to push yourself a little bit as a responsive person to find way. And I. I think, I mean, certainly you don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to have sex, that’s okay, too. And if you really don’t want to have sex, it’s not going to be an erotic moment anyway, so forget about it.

George Faller [00:32:00]:
But don’t force yourself to have bad sex. We’re not trying to get you to do that, definitely.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:06]:
But if there’s, you know, a way, you know, or you, maybe you’re like, I’m tired. I need a back rub to sort of wake my body up and see if, you know. And I think for me, right, tiredness is often accompanied by stress. You know, so if I de stress, I’m not actually so tired, and then I can refocus on sex. Although, yeah, sex is often a good refocuser.

George Faller [00:32:31]:
Get excited, people. I mean, you’re right. So many initiate is when their receptive partner does initiate, they like, well, you know, it’s not the right time. You’re not like, you know, we, you gotta show up. This is your chance to give your partner success. Right. This is big energy, better energy. Get up, do some jumping jacks.

George Faller [00:32:50]:
Wake that body up. Remind yourself, pretend it’s in the morning. Do what you got to do to get kind of that, that engagement. That’s, that’s what we’re looking for, so.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:58]:
Exactly, exactly.

George Faller [00:33:00]:
Role reversals, people. You all, we all could do summer bonus summer.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:05]:
It’s summer fun summer sex. Time for some summer sex.

George Faller [00:33:10]:
Yeah.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:10]:
Okay, well, thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:33:12]:
Keep it hot, y’all.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:13]:
So some of you are interested in our work. We want to tell you where we are, what we’re doing. First thing is our couples retreat coming up in October, right, George?

George Faller [00:33:22]:
October 4. Yes. Online. This is a chance to just spend a little time with your partner. We guarantee you’re going to kind of come out of that training with more things to talk about sexually.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:34]:
Yep. And we’ve got an early bird special right now, so take us up on it and join us for a day of talking about sex.

George Faller [00:33:40]:
And for therapists, we have two trainings coming up. We have one in September, 18 to 20 in Las Vegas, where Lori and I will just be kind of brainstorming and really pushing the leading edges of EFT and the sexual cycle. We’re excited about that. And then in January, 23 to 25th, we’re coming to Nashville in person to do three days of really kind of breaking down this process. And again, I think this should be mandatory for all therapists to just kind of have more confidence in knowing what to do and work with the sexual cycle.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:34:13]:
Yeah, we’ve already had lots of signups for that. By the way, George, people are also taking advantage of that early bird special. You know, we want supervisors to come. We’re giving half off to the supervisors. So please join us so that we can kind of get on the same page and understand and develop eft further. There’s going to be two days of lecture and exercises and then a day maybe with a live and, you know, working on your tapes and your stuck places. And we’re gonna go down to the honky tonk and have dinner together and have some fun.

George Faller [00:34:47]:
Have some fun.

Dr. Laurie Watson [00:34:48]:
Have some fun. Yee haw.

George Faller [00:34:49]:
Yeehaw. And for all you listeners, again, if you have a community and you want Laurie and I to come out and give a specialized training on sex, and again, I think this is so important for anybody seeing couples, then, you know, reach out to us and let’s continue to spread this message. Yee haw. Call in your questions to the foreplay question. Voicemail, dial eight three three my foreplay. That’s eight three three my four play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor.

George Faller [00:35:27]:
This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay media.

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