Laurie Watson 0:02
Oh my god. Yes.
George Faller 0:03
Oh, Laurie. I like how you say that. Today we got a great show. Let’s get into the science and tactics and strategies is some great research paper coming out from Oh, my God. Yes.
Laurie Watson 0:20
Welcome to foreplay radio couples in sex therapy. I’m Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller 0:25
And I’m George Faller, couples therapist,
Laurie Watson 0:28
And we are passionate about talking about sex and helping you develop a way to talk to each other.
George Faller 0:34
Our mission is to help our audience develop a healthier relationship to sex that integrates the mind, the heart and the body. That you’ve got an anniversary today, Laurie now?
Laurie Watson 0:48
Yes, yes, a big one.
George Faller 0:50
Very cool. Congratulations.
Laurie Watson 0:51
Thank you. We spent the weekend away and had a great time.
George Faller 0:56
Maybe that’s where that Oh, my god, yes, came from.
Laurie Watson 1:00
It was a fun weekend, you know, sometimes I I really think you need to go away together. It just helps so much with that connection, get out of your space away from the chores, my husband at some point said, Do you want to go home early, we we kind of ran out of room time and and I was like we were in a village. And I said, Now you know, I don’t want to leave because if we leave, we just get absorbed back into the house. And that way I knew we would be together. So nice.
George Faller 1:26
We hung out any tips or listeners or how to stay married for so long?
Laurie Watson 1:31
Forgiveness? Lots of forgiveness all those years. I think it’s a partnership. And when you’re young, and I don’t know, maybe just starting out, you want it to be good all the time. And it’s not good all the time. It’s tough sometimes. And you know, as a life partner, there’s there’s ups and downs. But there’s something really rich and rewarding about being with somebody who knew you when you were young and who has stayed with you and raised children with you and gone through those ups and downs, it’s feels really good.
George Faller 2:05
It’s nice to hear you hitting your groove relationships are a great growing machine, right? If you open it up, get feedback, you got to grow each other. That’s right. Pretty cool.
Laurie Watson 2:15
Thank you. So we’re going to talk about the research from Oh my god, yes. Who’s our sponsor and who does a beautiful job of helping teach clitoral technique, they did a study on how women can increase their pleasure in vaginal penetration.
George Faller 2:31
Pretty important stuff. Yeah. So we’re gonna talk about some of these terms that they studied, which are all about technique and change in positions. And we’re excited to talk about this.
Laurie Watson 2:43
This is to help women and help men make the experience of sexual intercourse certainly, and any kind of penetration more interesting and to feel better and to feel more.
George Faller 2:53
Alright, let’s jump in. How does angling sound?
Laurie Watson 2:56
Great. So there are four angling, rocking shallowing and pairing that they named in this study, and kind of grouped together and then measured women’s experience with it. And angling is basically switching it up during sexual intercourse in such a way that probably the clearest is more in touch with the penis or the man’s pelvis. Sometimes women use pillows kind of behind their hips, so that they just angle themselves a little bit better women on top, often at 45 degrees, kind of their their body is at a 45 degree angle that often helps certainly women with on their back with their legs app that can help kind of rock their pelvis forward, which I think is the same thing as putting a pillow underneath your pelvis.
George Faller 3:44
Well, it’s really a little adjustment, right can make a big difference. So that I know laying is encouraging women to to kind of find that position where their glitters might be kind of getting touched during intercourse where if they didn’t move, it wouldn’t be getting touched at all. So how do we how do we you know, encourage that feedback. And this is great for the guy to to be part of the process to be more kind of engaged to recognize a little shift can make a big difference.
Laurie Watson 4:11
Because I think men are specially trained, and culturally trained to believe that the whole deal is the vagina. And I think many men want sexual intercourse for sure. So making it good for both of them while they’re having sexual intercourse is important. And him to just know that this shift in position could help her have more pleasure, I think is what wouldhelp them understand.
George Faller 4:35
Always mind blowing for me when I first found out that statistic that 70% of women are not having an orgasm during intercourse. And this would help change those numbers. Right. Laurie? If you’re able to kind of shift your position a little bit and get the clearest stimulation then here we go.
Laurie Watson 4:51
Yeah, exactly. You know, and also just a little word about this. Most of the time that women don’t have orgasms during sexual intercourse. I mean First of all, it just might not be the way she can do it. But a lot of it is more about the placement of her calligaris to her vagina, there’s like the length between her vagina and her clitoris is kind of supposedly the magic measure, you know. And I think men get really anxious and they think it’s the measure of how big he is or that he’s not doing it right. And it’s like, you know what this is, it is not about him. Usually, it’s more about her anatomy. And it’s not inadequate, it’s just the way women are built. But helping could be great/
George Faller 5:30
Was even that simple, putting a couple of pillows underneath, kind of raising it up, which is allowing that that’s a simple technique that can make a big difference. So those of you listening, use those pillows in different areas tonight.
Laurie Watson 5:45
Good idea. And we’ll talk more also about rocking, that’s a second technique that they studied. And this is what their study was about what women prefer, it was not a male and female study, it was just women. And some women use rocking, which, for those of you who are technical, you can actually see this I think on YouTube, it’s called the Quito alignment technique, cat. And it’s basically sexual intercourse man on top. And he kind of rocks his pelvis toward her put her but they stay very connected, no thrusting
George Faller 6:19
and that was staying inside of her.
Laurie Watson 6:21
He’s staying inside her right and that technique can kind of stimulate her clitoris to.
George Faller 6:28
You’re literally grinding against each other right with being on the inside that
Laurie Watson 6:33
They didn’t they didn’t name anything that George. But that would probably be the right name for this one!
George Faller 6:39
Grinding I like it. I mean, it’s a little friction never hurts, right?
Laurie Watson 6:43
Rocking, grinding? Yeah, you get the picture. Exactly.
George Faller 6:47
Well, if we’re focusing on the clitoris and you can see how the man is inserted all the way, right in a route of you know, is rubbing up against the clitoris and it’s staying in so it’s not coming in and out. And now you can be moving sideways it with that rocking motion that that’s, you know, definitely gonna enhance, you know, like clitoral stimulation. Right? You got to examples of kind of helping couples do this exercise to be aware of that
Laurie Watson 7:13
I think what’s exciting in a long relationship, right is people can be flexible and try these different things, especially when there’s freedom and a sense of, we just want to make it great for both of us. I had a couple who they were not in for sex, but they talked about all the kinds of things that they did. And I think first of all, they they talked about it, he knew that she didn’t climax that way. And so they tried to make it good. But alignment technique that came out about I don’t know, technically into science about 10 years ago with an MRI so all of us sex therapists were watching that and teaching our people how to do that one that was very exciting in this couple tried it and I don’t remember them saying you know, it was a surefire gig, but I think it helped it helped her feel more pleasure and enjoyment. I don’t remember she actually had orgasms or not. And I would say the only thing that I feel about this is I don’t want women to go back to this is the goal that you we want you to orgasm during sexual intercourse. We just want you to have more pleasure during sexual intercourse. So shall we come back and talk a little bit more about other techniques? Awesome.
I had a patient tell me the other day Uberlube.com with the coupon FOREPLAY they bought some and they said you were right, Laurie, it is the best, way better than what they have been using before because scent free, tastes free. There’s no sticky residue, which is so important. It doesn’t get gummy it doesn’t create that friction that some of the lubricants out there do. It leaves you feeling soft and silky. It uses high grade silicon with a little bit of vitamin E. You can switch from oral sex to intercourse you can use it with touching I highly recommend it during foreplay makes her feel better makes him feel good. I mean, it’s a better touch.
George Faller 9:11
And you know when 1000s of doctors, sex therapists and clients are all agreeing and recommending the same thing, you’re onto something.
Laurie Watson 9:18
Exactly. So Uberlube.com with the coupon FOREPLAY for 10% off.
George Faller 9:28
So welcome back. we renamed rockin, grinding I like that. RockING almost seems like it’s thrusting in and out grind. It’s like simple, right, LAURIE? It’s like you leave it in and you’re kind of just moving around a little bit side to side. We gotta have accurate descriptions here. Otherwise people are gonna forget.
Laurie Watson 9:49
Funny. I like that. I think that term resonates with most people. They understand what that means.
George Faller 9:54
I always love Peggy kleinplatz his book on great lovers and you know when she says there’s no Unlike doing the same thing relentlessly, that kind of kills sex, right? So that because different techniques that mix it up to kind of Yeah, great, you’re doing some thrust. And now all of a sudden, you’re doing a little bit of grind. And you know, you’re mixing up positions, you’re doing the angle. And these are all kind of nice ways of just kind of keeping it fresh, not the other person not exactly knowing what’s happening, right. It’s that anticipation and not knowing that so often, great lovers are so good at.
Laurie Watson 10:26
Exactly. And I like that you just said the other person not necessarily knowing what’s going to come next. I think that keeps it a little fresh and mysterious. And we have to arm people with this. So shallowing basically shallowing is being touched just at the entrance of the vagina into sort of eventually enhance pleasure during penetration. Sometimes, partners would use their penis tip or a fingertip or maybe even a sex toy just at the entrance of the vagina because that is where women feel more friction kind of touch later in the vagina, they feel more stretch. But friction is kind of felt at the beginning of the vagina. So this is the time,
Our time. Yep. oral sex. Absolutely.
George Faller 11:13
So this is kind of teasing to write this, this kind of put it in in a little bit, put the tip in, put your finger and put your dog in it just what I like about, again, these techniques, it’s just something else to think about. How do you in a relationship with somebody you love and trust? Like, what is that doing just putting a tip in for your partner to enhance her stimulation, so many guys are in such a rush to go to thrust, that this is a really sensitive, erotic, kind of teasing, playful way of building that intimacy. And I remember a couple I was working with it, I think it’s important to note, Laurie, as we talk about, you know, all these couples that we’ve worked with, we’re not talking about a specific couple, this is really a combination of so many couples we talk about. And again, a lot of men are trained to kind of race so fast. So when I asked to play by play, what is sex look like? You know, it’s like quickly kissing and all of a sudden, death rusting, so quick. And I remember the wife given some feedback about the importance of foreplay, and letting her body warm up. And so he was like, What can I do? And I remember her talking about the importance of, of the teasing, of just kind of rubbing his penis in on the outside and just kind of getting her excited and slowly putting a tip in and and pulling it back out. And to the point where she’s like, please put it back in, right. And you’re kind of wanting that instead of you know, it happened in so fast. So this guy just kind of learned in this one little technique really kind of opened things up for them.
Laurie Watson 12:48
Yeah, that’s nice. I love that she was able to tell him that and be so explicit. I think that’s kind of what’s also great about this study is it’s giving people language and terms to say, hey, I’d like you to do this. Do this with your penis do this with your fingers. Let’s use a toy do it during World sex, you know, just asking for it is vulnerable and exciting. And that’s cool.
George Faller 13:12
She’s I keep returning these names, but she called it tipping points. Yeah, put the tip in it. It could be the tip anything but so find the names that work for you all I shall listen. shallowing is a little confusing to
Laurie Watson 13:28
Shallowing. Okay, so we’re renaming this grinding tipping. Yeah, we get it. Okay. I know your terms are better George for sure.
George Faller 13:38
I don’t know about that. But whatever sticks, whatever works.
Laurie Watson 13:40
Okay. And then there’s pairing, which of course we encourage every day of the week. This is what a woman or a man stimulates or clitoral is directly during some sort of penetration. I definitely, you know, this could be his finger, a sex toy again, his penis his tongue. I think one of the things that women talk about a lot is G spot stimulation and oral sex that that kind of combination that’s penetration, him touching her G spot along with oral sex is kind of mind blowing. I think one of the things that’s great is it’s it’s double stimulation, so your brain doesn’t quite have time to figure out what in the world is happening and it just, lets go.
George Faller 14:24
Right. I have a lot of sex toys that are doing that right w stimulation penetration and clearest stimulation, right?
Laurie Watson 14:31
The rabbit is doing that. I think it’s the same principle. Both can be pleasurable.
George Faller 14:37
Right, and then mixing it up between the two but the parent is doing both simultaneously. Yeah, I was trying to picture it and you’re talking about in oral sex the man might be licking the glitter is but have the fingers in the G spot right so that’s that’s the punch. I was trying to figure out how they were having intercourse while licking the clearest I must be a very bendable person.
Laurie Watson 15:01
Very bendable person for sure.
George Faller 15:05
Gumby, whoever that person was like, get into that position. I swore he’s listening. I’m always let my imagination try to visualize what I’m saying. So my brain wasn’t coming up with that until
Laurie Watson 15:16
I listen for couples and you know, very, very rarely do I hear a man talk about the way he’s making love. And I think, Okay, this guy knows what he’s doing. I can really honestly believe only two men I ever talked to his patients what I think, okay, he really knows where he’s at and what he’s doing. And this one guy said, No, she, I know how to make her come. And I’m like, really? What do you do? He said, I put my fingers in touch her G spot and I gave her all sex. And I said, Okay, that man. Got it.
George Faller 15:48
Got it. He really cool it. He can describe how he’s doing oral sex. Sounds great oral sex, but if you’re going to go to town and just chop away at the clitoris is probably not going to work. So well. It might work well with one lady and not for another, right, because there’s so many different sensitivity levels in clitoris itself. So how do we…
Laurie Watson 16:07
Okay, well, I will, I will tell a little story to help with oral sex. How’s that?
George Faller 16:12
That sounds good.
Laurie Watson 16:14
Okay, so if you think about the clitoris,
George Faller 16:16
Almost gave you an Oh my god, yes.
Laurie Watson 16:20
So if you think about the clitoris as Little Red Riding Hood, and she’s kind of she kind of starts in a puddle, her cloak is all around. And as she gets more around, she stands up a bit. And her face is always looking at the vagina. And her face is the glands of the clitoris. And the hood down to her labia is like the cloak. The darker the woman, the darker the cloak, and there’s like a seam on the back of her cloak, that is also a really sensitive place. And the face is the most sensitive place on our clitoris. The cloak somewhat sensitive as well, but the face very, very sensitive. So when you’re giving oral sex, you want to definitely make sure that your tongue hits the face of her, because that’s the glands that’s the most sensitive. So it’s kind of an up motion or an upstroke with your tongue that would help and maybe the back of the seam. But there’s one other place kind of where her feet would be standing. That’s the root of the clitoral. And that’s also very sensitive. And and that’s partly what is hard to get to with oral sex, why women sometimes say it doesn’t really do that much for me, because the route is hard to stimulate. So maybe pre stimulation with manual stimulation with your fingers, or even sexual intercourse can kind of hit that underside as well. And then going to oral sex, that would be good. And then pairing that with G spot stimulation. Yeah, that would be good.
George Faller 17:48
I love that you’re welcome in more technical and the need for communication. We are not supposed to know how this works is that guy, right? You need a little bit of feedback. You know, I like that upstroke Wait, that’s a little bit too fast. You know, can you go move off that a little bit and go to the site? I mean, it’s so important to kind of get that feedback because everybody’s different in how sensitive they are and the timing of when and how they need things.
Laurie Watson 18:13
Exactly. And if you can communicate that, does that help that that image out? Like, yeah, stand where?
George Faller 18:21
It does, it does. And then the hood slowly starts to fall back. Right?
Laurie Watson 18:24
It does. But the hood does fall back as she gets more aroused. But then actually, it covers her face again at the end. So it falls back. And then it covers her face again a bit as she gets right toward orgasm.
George Faller 18:45
OMGYES.com truth, Laurie, of course, is that our pleasure gets better over our lifetime as we learn and discover more and more about what we like or what our partner likes. more knowledge makes a great thing. Even better.
Laurie Watson 19:02
Right. I think people believe this myth that they’re supposed to know how to do it, how to touch each other. And I think for women, our bodies are so sensitive that we need high attunement and oh my god. yes.com is where you can actually see real video of women explaining the touch that they need, labeling it so we can speak the same language and then showing it is explicit. We know that but we think it’s beautifully done. It’s artfully done. And we just encourage you to try OMGYES.com/FOREPLAY so that they know we’ve sent you there and they’re pissed as well. If you come to our website, they are offering this product to free. So please come to our website and figure out how to do that you need to send them your website and you can get a free membership.
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George Faller 21:03
Okay, Laurie. So we’re talking about Little Red Riding Hood, which is a great image. We’re talking about this hood movement up and down and wonder why men sometimes get a bit confused with this. Yeah, so they do a good job and it starts to fall down and they get into a good rhythm. And all of a sudden it starts to fall back over here comes the old guys. And what are they supposed to do? Same thing they’ve been doing? Are they supposed to try to cut?
Laurie Watson 21:26
No, no, no same thing. man should definitely keep doing the same thing. I think it’s a mistake, right? As women get really aroused and excited, they get more verbal usually and men think okay, let’s speed it up. Let’s do it harder. Let’s do it faster. Same thing, more than likely is what’s working.
George Faller 21:45
And during the orgasm, same thing,
Laurie Watson 21:47
Same thing, more women than not say they want the exact same thing to keep happening that that’s that’s working. So they like that. Or if they don’t, I mean, hopefully, gosh, I hope women are telling what they want. If they want it faster or slower. Something that hopefully they’re saying that
George Faller 22:04
That’s not the time to stop and sit back and try to watch.
Laurie Watson 22:07
It’s not the time to stop. No. No, it is not the time to sit back and watch.
George Faller 22:14
Well it started that’s when we get our men want to be spectators and see what happens. Well, you got to stay in it. Keep doing what’s working.
Laurie Watson 22:22
Yeah, not the time to sit back and watch.
George Faller 22:24
Well again I love your stories in such it’s so helpful to just kind of help people laugh a little bit about this. And you know, it’s important to talk about this. It’s it’s amazing how many couples that we work with have sex and never talk about what’s working and not working because they’re trying to protect each other not hurt each other’s feelings, which is cool, right? And that’s why if we’re a little bit playful, and you start talking about red, Little Red Riding Hood splits not down yet. So can you you know, rub her arms a little bit here. Whatever it takes it you don’t just get them a little bit having more fun with us.
Laurie Watson 22:57
George Faller 22:59
Cool. Well, you have any other any other tactic I do.
Laurie Watson 23:02
So kegel squeezes are basically the muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine. And during sex, you can squeeze sort of a steady squeeze or you can pulse and it doesn’t necessarily create a better orgasm for a woman. In fact, the research is definitive that it doesn’t increase orgasmic intensity. But it does change the sensation of sexual intercourse in a huge way and it changes the way you experience clitoral stimulation as well. So if you’re doing the pairing technique, which is sexual intercourse and clitoral stimulation, which we just talked all the way through oral sex and pairing but you know, it could be during sexual intercourse. Maybe you’re using a vibrator or something but squeezing the penis with your Cagle muscles can be really sexy. It can help.
George Faller 23:53
Right? I remember working with a few female partners that could orgasm without clitoral stimulation, just by squeezing Okay, got muscles. Can you say more about that?
Laurie Watson 24:05
I mean, the cool thing about women is their pelvis has such capacity. And I mean, definitely I’ve heard and talked to women who have thought orgasms. You know, literally they’re just fantasizing and they have an orgasm at a guy friend who said no man gives you that the whole thing world. So yeah, kegel squeezes basically can increase arousal not for every woman, but sometimes maybe if you’re fantasizing as well that that could kind of get you ready in terms of your pelvis and your vulva. That would be great. Women can orgasm some women can with sexual intercourse because it’s the underside of the clitoris. And so the penis kind of stretches basically the legs of literates which are something you don’t see we don’t Little Red Riding Hood. We don’t see this part of her. But it stretches that and and kind of hits the root of her feet, so hits her feet, which is the root and that’s G spot stimulation. And that can be really good. And that sometimes is how women climax. Hands off intercourse.
George Faller 25:12
Well, I know what’s so cool. Every woman is different and how they turn on is no normal here so somebody can get turned on through these kegels, kind of muscles squeeze in and others are more focused on clitoral stimulation. And it’s some the penetrations, what does it for them, they just that is no normal ever, you got to find your way of really kind of getting turned on and being able to communicate
Laurie Watson 25:37
Right. And kegels I think one of the good things about them is it’s really difficult to do them and not be very aware of your vulva. Like, if your mind is wandering or you’re starting to feel anxious about not reaching climax or or you have self consciousness in another way. I love to recommend doing a kegel squeeze because it’s hard to do that and concentrate on that and think about something else. Right, that brings your attention right to your vulva,
George Faller 26:06
Laurie Watson 26:07
Particularly to your vagina.
George Faller 26:10
Well, there’s something about that. I mean, I mess around with Tai Chi. And when you’re doing the movements, I mean, when you’re paying attention to your movement, you can’t really your brains focused on that. It’s not thinking about a million other things. So yes, if you are a woman and you’re thinking about your kegel muscles, that’s your your present moment. Pretty cool. Nice little tip, Laurie. Nice. You guys have kegel muscles? Yes.
Laurie Watson 26:33
Yes. Guys have kegel muscles too. Absolutely. And it helps men sometimes, especially if they’re losing their erection, or they’re starting to get anxious, squeezing their kegels absolutely can help. It just brings their sensation right to their penis.
George Faller 26:47
I think you need to talk more about that. Laurie? George, I don’t know I consider I didn’t even know he had kegel muscles. That’s so for a guy that kegel muscle is squeezing. What would it feel like for a guy to squeeze that kegel muscle?
Laurie Watson 27:02
So I mean, just imagine you’re driving in a car. And
George Faller 27:06
We almost didn’t know Laurie, here we go. Tell me what to do.
Laurie Watson 27:11
You’re almost home and you have to go to the bathroom? And how do you stop yourself from going to the bathroom. It’s that muscle. And particularly for people who want to learn how to do it, kegel squeeze correctly, you kind of relaxed your buttocks. So you’re not using the muscles, your glutes, you’re just using the muscles that are isolated to stopping the flow of urine. And actually, if you want to practice, you should go to the bathroom, stop the urine, and then go again. Like you should try to go a little bit. Stop, go get and that’s the muscle that helps.
George Faller 27:42
It’s like the sexual form of pushups. To get my workout down, I always look this up a little new, Laurie. Thank you.
Laurie Watson 27:52
You’re welcome. So another couple things that I would recommend that are not in the study is reciprocal thrusting. So when when she’s bringing her hips up to meet his thrusting, that can kind of change the way she feels him inside. You know, it’s tension that can really help. For some women. I talked to one woman recently, and she’s like, you know, I like to do that because it shows him I’m involved. And he gets really excited when I do that. So his excitement is what makes me more excited. She said, but for me actually being relaxed, is how I feel more gradually. You know, I don’t you know, you can switch it up. So
George Faller 28:32
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like a form of angling, right? mutual thrusting. So now your timing, you’re getting into a rhythm of kind of changing the angle. I think that’s pretty awesome.
Laurie Watson 28:42
Right? And we want to talk about rhythm in our next podcast to bring that back in. Also, I would just say like positions, you know, if you are underneath different positions literally changed the angle. So I think knowing what you do with your legs is helpful in terms of knowing which one maybe enhances the best pleasure the best connection during sexual intercourse,
Well, this was an interesting conversation, Faller. Hopefully helpful.
George Faller 29:15
This is great to kind of get more technical understanding the good reasons things work and what a little bit of change could work better. So keep it listening.
Laurie Watson 29:24
Thank you and thank you for our sponsor. OMGYES. We appreciate your support. It’s OMGYES.com/foreplay
George Faller 29:32
Keep it hot y’all.
Call in your questions to the Foreplay question voicemail, dial 833-4-PLAY and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.